For about two weeks now I’ve experienced a loss of appetite. When I look at food, even foods I like, I have absolutely no desire to eat them. And I rarely get hungry. The thing is, I want to be able to eat. I don’t enjoy not eating. At first it was just a little annoying, nothing that even concerned me that much. I tried not to pay it any mind. That is until my mom said to me, “Your hands are so cold. Why aren’t you eating? I hope nothing is seriously wrong with you.”
That did it. She inceptioned, if you will, the idea in my mind that something was wrong with me. So I did what I do best; got myself all worked up thinking I was suffering from some debilitating disease.
I knew I couldn’t go to sleep last night until I figured it out. Naturally, I went to webmd, which by the way has this cool feature where you can click on different parts of the body to point out your symptoms and then they give you a list of possible ailments. In case you didn’t know that… Anyway, I clicked on my different “symptoms”, which led me nowhere. The results I got were stuff like; panic attack, anxiety disorders, possible rare diseases that can kill you. Not helping, I thought. Then I got the brilliant idea of just searching on the web ‘depression and loss of appetite’ since I figured that that was why I wasn’t eating in the first place.
More to the point of this post; I found this article for anyone that’s like me. It’s an interesting and relatively short read:
I tried meditation and breathing exercises and it worked momentarily. Eventually I get back to being anxious about whatever it is I get anxious about (everything).
I’ve also started taking a B Complex vitamin, supposedly it increases your metabolism and will give you your appetite back.
I had this discussion with my mom today about depression and my thoughts of suicide. Which led to lots of crying (on my part, always with the tears) and hugging and advice. It gave me a sort of epiphany. That I want to change this around. I need to change this around. If that’s even possible, by just changing small things in my life one by one. I don’t want to be depressed forever. I’m going to try to help myself for once.
Well, I feel like I’ve been a nuisance lately by making so many absurd posts on here. Most of them are pointless. Not the conversations that resulted, however. I just want everyone to know that I appreciate you taking your time to read and comment and sit through my strange thought processes. It really helps to get it out after bottling it in for so long. :]