Survive

May 31st, 2012by elenam7

I was having one of those moments where you decide, “this is fucking it, I’m gonna turn my life around.”  That did not last long, but I do have one reminder of it in the form of the word “survive” tacked onto my wall.  I feel like it should hearten me but it doesn’t; it just reminds me of how impossible that’s becoming for me.  I don’t want to live but I’m scared of death, of the pain involved.  The thought of getting up and going about my day tomorrow just makes me fucking sick.  I feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do anymore.  I just hate almost everyone in my life right now.  Not one of them could take the time to notice that I’m fucking dying here.

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