Let me start of by saying this. Shit really sucks. I know all of you think that getting out is the best way to go. I’m not doing this to change your mind. I’m doing this to make a point. Maybee it will help some of you and maybee it won’t. Who knows. If you have the time. You can keep reading.
I was 11 years old. It was the last day of the 5th grade for me. I had gone home with my bestfriend that day. (She only lived a block away from me.) We were so Excited school was out, and we had the best summer planned. Full of late nights, sleepovers and A LOT of junk food. We were talking about boys, when her mom walked in and told me my Grandmother was here to pick me up. I was confused. I figured we were going out to eat or something and my mom had forgot to tell me. My Mom and Dad were divorced but still really good friends, my mom was already re-married. Which means i had a step-dad also. He’s great, i had no issues with him. I got to see my Dad every other weekend . He was my bestfriend.
Anyway.. We got in the car, and she said my Mom wanted me home when she got there. We pulled in the drive way, i put my things inside and grabbed one of those cute little bouncy balls, and took it outside. My Grandma walked into my house for about 3 mintues and walked back out with my 2 Half-sisters on my moms side. (Which means we have the same mom and different dads. ) I asked where they were going and the girls said they had no clue. They all left, and shortly after my Mom and Step dad arrived. They looked at me, and i could see that something wasn’t right. They asked me to go inside and sit down. My mom busted out in tears, and so did my Step-Dad. At this point i knew something was wrong.
I knew it was fixing to get some sort of bad news. What was said next. Literally killed every bit of happiness I would have ever had for the next 5 years. My mom started to say “Your dad..” but she couldn’t finish. My Step-dad then said those heart wrenching words. “Your dad.. Hung himself.” I dropped to the floor in pain and suffering wondering why. I just spent the weekend with him not 3 days ago? Was it me? Did i do something wrong? Why? Why would he leave me like this. It was the worst pain i’d ever felt in my entire 11 years of life. Time started to pass as he was gone. I recieved flowers and “I’m sorry” Cards for nearly a year. After about 6 months i went into a deep depression. We ended up moving because being in the same house my father had been in at one point was too much for me. My mom thought a new beginning would help. It didn’t. I started yelling, and cussing at my parents never coming home on time and just flat out leaving with out saying a single word. Time went by and i kept getting worse and worse. My mom literally would just cry and cry because she didn’t know how to help, she didn’t know what to do. Finally she told me she was putting me into ta facillity where they could help. i spent 3 weeks in there. it did nothing for me. time kept passing by and they diagnosed me with Bi-Polar diorder and put me on an antidepressant. I never took the medicine. I started getting into fights and failing school. My mom decided i needed to go to another facility, I went. But again it did nothing for me. When i got out i was just as bad. i started smoking weed and drinking. Which in turn lead to other drugs. I ended up doing meth. My mom noticed a vast difference and decided i needed to be put in a Behavioral Rehabilitative Facility. I was in this facility for almost 5 months. They had to tranquilize me 4 times. I think it was because of the withdraws combined with medicine and being treated like i was 10. When I got out. I had no emotions no personality, i didn’t really give a shit. It sucked . I had no friends and i wasn’t allowed out of the house because my parents never knew if i would come back. i figured my life was bad enough and decided to Overdose on my medication. Why did i choose to OD? Because it would be less traumatizing to my sisters if they were to find me. i ended up taking about 20 of my regular pills. Fortunantly i was found and takin to the hospital where my stomach was pumped.
When i was released from the hospital i was watched constantly by my parents. About 5 months of being on “Probation”. I was allowed to have a facebook. One day I recieved a friend request from a guy i didn’t know. I accepted it anyway. He messeged me, we got to talking and turns out we had alot in common. My mom finally saw this boy bring out some sort of emotion in me and let him come over. I was finally feeling like there was hope for me. My mom started letting me leave the house with him to go do things. They could see that this boy was really pulling me out of the slump i was in. We started dating after a month of talking. I can honestly say this boy has changed my life. He is everything I could ever dream of. He pulled me out of my slump and showed me the good things in life out weigh the bad. He showed me that all i needed was somebody that understood my situation and knew what i was going through. That had felt the same way as me at one point. We are still together to this day. Yes losing my father was the worst thing I’ve ever been through I still miss him more that words could describe. It just goes to show that no matter what the situation, no matter how bad. We all just need somebody who understands. We all just need someone who can listen and undrstand. We need that WANT to feel better. We have to WANT it. And all it takes is just one person to pull you out of that Slump you think you will never come out of.