Hi Guys,
Not really in the mood to write anymore. But some of you like it so… I’ll continue on.
How am I? I feel just so… lonely. My friend and I went on a night hike last night. (weird thing to do, but it was fun ish.) About 10 cars passed and all I though was it’d be easy. It’d be so easy to just jump in front of a car… It’d be so easy to just get hit… And just die. I mean I’m so small I bet it would kill me instantly, but then I thought of my deal. I jump, you jump. And I didn’t. I can’t let you die because I did. You should live. Not die. So I didn’t.
I was taking a bath today, I noticed a razor. I thought the same thought. It’d be so easy to just slit my wrist. To just keep it a secret. That I cut myself and those who cared wouldn’t know, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t.
I’m not sure what to talk about… Maybe I’ll talk about my day?
Well I woke up early, ate some breakfast, and then skied for 5 hours straight. 3 of those hours I was having a panic attack… Nothing really that important. I know I shouldn’t worry blah blah blah but I do. There’s really nothing anyone can do to stop it. After that experience I got back to the condo, took a bath, saw the razor and yeah… Then talked to one of my friends and posted on here.
I’m sorry I didn’t post a poem, I just didn’t feel like it. So I’ll post two today :P. So here are your poems:
Maybe you don’t care
Maybe you really don’t
I guess I don’t know
I guess I really don’t
Maybe I should go
Maybe I really should
I guess it doesn’t matter
I guess it really doesn’t
Maybe it would be one less person
Maybe it really would
I guess it wouldn’t be a big difference
I guess it really wouldn’t
Please don’t go
Don’t leave me here
But maybe it’s for the best
Maybe you should
I don’t know
All I want is to have a friend
Someone that really cares
No matter what
But maybe it is for the best
So you don’t have to worry
Maybe you should go
And
Leave
Me
Here.
Side Note: To those of you who commented on my earlier post (for Day 7) I replied.
Au Demain
9 comments
Dear LetItGo,
I would miss you! You would take with you a young lady with limitless possibilities. I think panic attacks on the slopes can be justifiable though. Where did you go on the night hike?
Isn’t it amazing how we can want to end our life so badly but our body won’t allow us? Your body is defending itself. It tells me that there’s still some fight in you. You need to stay strong and keep pushing forward. Use all your might to block out those terrible thoughts. Ignore them. Force your mind to think of other things. Force its focus somewhere else. You keep doing that and it will get easier. Focus your attention on your goals in life. If you don’t have any. Make some. Start with small ones and work your way up.
I actually have no idea…
But it’s so hard… To not think negative… There isn’t anything good right now… *sighs* it’s just all so negative…
Still sore? How were the trails?
Awww LetitGo……..can you explain how the ski trip was built around negativity?
I just didn’t want to go… I’m just in a bad state and its fun with my friends and family and stuff… But I just…. *sigh* don’t feel the best…
I am still sore… Took a bath… Not really helped much… Saw a razor… I was so tempted… The trails were good. They were a bit long for my taste… I wiped out a few times.. One time on my head (still hurts ouch) and one time on my shoulder… My sore shoulder. *sigh* so… they were okay I guess… Could’ve been better.
Well i am very proud of you for getting out there and not just siting in room all day! Onward and Upwards my little friend! it is past my bedtime but i will keep my good eye out for your next post!