7 months after a break up…

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I split with my ex 7 months ago, we were together for 2 and half years things were bad and it was a messy break up but I still care for him and it’s fucking me up. About a month ago I lost a close friendship because I couldn’t be fucked with it anymore – she mucked me about and disrespected me but she had introduced to her group of friends and would always arrange to meet, I feel isolated now. I went out last night to a pre drinks then a house party I was having a great night until I went to town, I saw some boys my ex knew and we even lived with briefly. I started to flirt and dance with them in my drunken state and went home with one of them can’t quite put the pieces together whether we had sex or not…what a mess. I even mentioned to him how I fucked him over after we broke up…and the guy told me my ex is seeing someone which made me feel even more worthless, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I started to think it would be better if my life didn’t exist and I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain, this loneliness. I walked home miserably at 4am took me an hour smoked a spliff, I could of been attacked or something but I don’t care for my safety anymore.  I think I should just drink at home and avoid town at all costs…I have tried being positive but I don’t think things are going to get better, just seem to be getting worse. I’m over life.