How science made me suicidal

Hello, to those who read this. My name is John and I saw this website and I want to share my story. When I was 10, I really got into Chemistry and BioChemistry. And after a few years of studying the subjects, my philosophical view of life changed, and not in a good way. I had a fear of everything because my mind wouldn’t stop racing with ideas every night in bed. Some might find this silly, or stupid at that, but it really affected me. And, it made me lose my love for life that I had devoloped during my life. However, it was when I got into theoretical physics when the depression started. I had thoughts such as, If there is an infinite number of universes than what is the value of one man’s life when there are infinite other men? Or my fear to do anything outside of my room because it had felt as though my perception of time had sped up, and how I viewed anything that I didn’t want to do would be to give up fractions of my life that could’ve been spent on something else, and I started taking the words “Waste of Time” too far and couldn’t sleep at night because I felt as though my life could’ve been spent on something else. My skin had started to get pale and I started losing unhealthy ammounts of weight. When I started to notice the changes I felt horrified at the sight of my image. And a tried to hang myself a week later. But luckily my dad had found me and save my life, however, I felt as though he had betrayed me at the time. However my mind developed new thoughts that had further damaged my mental stability. See, at the time, I was an Atheist, and I started to convert to Christianity because my fear of death had risen due to the idea that if i didn’t believe in God, I wouldn’t have an afterlife to go to. Making me fear both life and death, and I was finally taken to my first psychiatrist.This really helped me for the state I was in at the time, and though I still had bad thoughts but I was feeling better. That was, until my Uncle, Scott died. My fear of death came right back and I stopped making any social contact with anyone for a few weeks. And just before the beginning of my 8th grade year, I was taken to talk to a philosopher. This helped me find someone who had experienced the same problems I had been experiencing at the time. I eventually started to feel better in life when I started High School. I managed to gain back my confidence and be able to regularly sleep again. I’m 22 years old and Majoring in Forensics. My point is that if you can find someone who understands you, talk about your depression with them. It helped me, and it only helps when you can express yourself. Don’t hold back your feelings. Suicide is never a good idea.