My suicide note.

I know how you feel and I have felt this way myself. I was very angry for a long time about the whole state of the world that seems like a shallow, stupid game. Many, many people feel like this and it is because we have been cut off from the truth of our being……been denied our true birthright……and seriously dumbed down. I have come close to suicide many times myself & understand what you are saying about everything seeming so pointless.
However, underneath all the bullshit we are being fed by the mainstream and status quo there is real truth. We are actually spiritual beings having a human experience. The point of third dimensional experience is to learn thru contrast. To learn thru duality and the experience of opposites. We are here to claim our truth which is that we are creators, divine creators at that! Our hearts have gotten buried in the mire of this physical experience by lies, deceit, corruption on every level of ignorance and to protect that tenderness, that sweet spot in our being we have shut it down! Actually, you and I and everyone of us was born as love incarnate….that is what we are and why we are here, yet, that truth has been buried in the insanity that we have been born into. It is thru not fault of our own as we are all
innocent and ignorant of this reality of our own true nature. Your recognize the insanity that so many can’t even see! I honor your courage to call it what it is and not just play the game of a sick society but because you see it for what it is, you can be the change you want to see. Right now there is a shift in consciousness happening and an end to an era of darkness. Many are beginning to wake up and realize that we can change this trek we have been traveling. There is a reason why we are here and it is much more significant than the programming we have endured up to now. We are multidimensional beings stuck on a track that is beginning to crumble and what is before us has unlimited potential and that is truly why we have come and now it is only a matter of remembering. Trust this truth and open your heart to receive your inheritance. It is here now and
all you need to do is trust and be open to receive. Clear yourself of negative thoughts and self talk and replace them with positive affirmations …..that is how to begin. Thoughts are things that are real and create real matter…..thoughts are the building blocks of all manifestations. You are a powerful being and your thoughts are magnetic and draw to you their kind. Check out THE SECRET or Louise Hayes, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, or books by Myrtle & Charles Filmore to name a few sources of empowerment. You can discover much thru the channelled messages that are flooding the planet right now from the Ascended Masters and our galactic brotherhood who are here to help us wake up! Bless you and may you discover what is truly real!

Vicky – nice one you have just proven you have no idea what drives someone to suicide, This person is obviously in so much pain they can’t see another way to stop the pain other than to take their own life, don’t get me wrong i’m not telling someone to kill themselves i’m just asking people to think for a minute step back and think about how much pain someone has to live with everyday that they think ending their life would be better than living another day. Just think before you judge someone you don’t know and you don’t know what they have been through..

yea im glad you did not kill your self,
vicky u have no idea what you are talking about you obviously havent experienced the pain that we all feel every day of our lives, you are pathetic, this site is for us, who are close to doing the unthinkable, you might not realise but this site has saved my life just knowing that there is other people going thru what i am and not being alone is enough to save my life, this is not a place for you to have your say about something you know nothing about. mind your own buiseness, ppl like you are the reason we are like this, u are obviously selfish and dont care about us or our feelings.
i would love to get in contact with some of you guys i could do with having someone to talk to who understands me even if were talking about suicide at least i know someone gets me, i am always here to stick up for yous and for me. and it is great to hear that you didnt go thru with it, it puts a little hope back into my life. thank you

First off, I would like to say I am very glad you are not dead. I have been a very suicidal person for a few years now. I have seen counsolders weekly and it just does not seem to help. So ive been through it all. Attempted suicide and everything. Im just so glad to be here. Im very glad to have found this site.

Vicky,

please think before you write comments. This site is not sick. It has saved alot of lives. Including mine. I really don’t know what to say to you. Except, just think

Vicky Says:

March 7th, 2009 at 10:20 am

“Grow up, and learn to deal with things.”

This is the most ignorant thing you could possibly say on a suicide forum. If anything that comment is vindication to anyone who does end up killing themself. They will see you as the heartless, thoughtless monster that they feared people would be if they ever sought help or shared their true feelings.

lol i think its funny that everyones attention went from the suicidal person to Vicky….

xrock2metalx: stay strong. you are loved. LIVE XD

honestly i have to agree with vicky. people do love you man. all u want to do is take the wasy way out. but let me tell you as a practicing catholic taking the easy way out will only lead to eteranl sufferand and damnantion. i know this is going to sound nasty but honestly you will burn in heal. or you could pick yourself up by your boot straps, carry on through life, dont turn emo, dont cut yourself. just reading this website will encourage your to commit suicide. nothing good will come out of it. you will not have to deal with school pressures, but u will leave forever in constant pain. 10 times worse than you are feeling now. you will die one day, but let it be a surprize. dont plan your death. i mean think about how your parents would feel for the rest of there nonsuicidal lives. they would always blame them selves. hell yea i have though about suicide but then i shut my self up and started working on my problem. all you are afraid of is a little hard work. you may not be good in school now, but everyone can be you just have to try. i got behind in my studies by 3 months. yea i though about taking the easy way out, but i said f*** no got back to my homeschooling with flvs and work,and worked and worked and worked and after 3 weeks of hard finger numbing work, i was all caught up and didnt worry about a think. now stop crying and saying im going tom kill myself, get some school work done, and go leave the house and go meet people. you like skateboarding? go to a skate park and talk to some people. ask them how to do a trick. or go downtown, walk along the streets. just get yourself out there. you will not meet people if you stay in the house and people will not like you if u act emo all day. i know a good chick friend of mine. i wont tell you her name. she is emo, use to cut herself on her arm, now on her legs to avoid showing scars, but let me tell you when im around her or she starts having fun the emo goes out the window and the girl i really used to like comes out, that fun silly, girl. i do miss he sometimes, we dont talk much anymore unless her parents call me and ask if i know where she is because she ran away. but let me tell you there is a happy person too every emo, i know from experence. just work on fixing your life. thats all i ask, thats all any of us act. well im signing off now, peace, and good luck too you.

p.s.s. i want you to go downtown. get your parent to drive you or what ever. i want you to walk down the street. i want you to look at the men who havent showed in months, that eat what ever scraps they can find, that have no family to help them, that are addicted to drugs or drinking. they are the lowest of the low. yet you rarly ever here of one of those people commiteing suiced. yea they do it but not as much as normal people. in my downtown a man with a 2 foot long black scragly beard with all kinds of “mystery” inside plays a 1 dollar plastic recorder. every day. makes about 10 doallars all day at most. yet he isnt dead. i mean you are typing this on a computer arent you? so your life doesnt suck as bad as his does.there is another guy i know. walks up and down the intersates every day.i will see him across town in 7 hours. just picking up cans. he has been doing it for 2 years. he is nto dead. yet you a person witha nice house computer most likely tv are going to tell me u have it worse off? why dont you tell him that to his face that you have it worse off then him. friend i know u are thinking about doing this but dont. live life to the fullest. when you turn 18, go to work, save up soem cash, then buy a plane ticket to paris or itialy, go work there. go see the world and all its beauty, work in every spot to save up for the enxt move. then after you have seen the world, allits wonders, and meet all these people of differant color, and nationality, if you still feel like dieing, honestly you need professional help. im not telling you to commite suicide, i would never say that but talk to someone. not to these people online. call up a old friend and talk too him. no one has gone through his whole life without 1 friend. talk to your parents. your neighbors. your brotehrs or sisters, hell tak to a homeless man. they have all the time in the world. just think about this. if i didnt care would i have spent so much time writing all these notes? no. i do care. i care for your well being, i care for your family, i care for the people who know you. dont give it. dont let this be the end. if you ever need any help at all. email me at lukelucas9@gmail.com please no one else but him, i know i will get a lot of hate so i will not read any messages that are not from you.

p.s.s.s.s i went through k-8 before i started homeschooll and let me tell you. NO ONE like me. everyone harrased me. i was the person who no one would sit with, who screwed up every friendship i had. u ever watched tv and see that kid sitting at the lunch table alone. yea i was that guy. my 35 classmates would squeze into one of those 15 seat tables. just too not sit with me, never sure why though. i never relaly did anything wrong. oh wel thats not the point. the point is after 9 years of being hated i found something out. no one hated me. it is actually the funniest thing. in order too be “cool” you could hand out with me. but behind everyone back i was firends with half the class. 5 guys normally acted assholish too me but what everyone didnt know was that i was friends with everyone of them behind each others back. you never know who likes you. it took me 9 yeawr to find out. and u will never know if u end it now. well i got to go i have a life that needs living. i just hope u still do.

I went through the same feelings, and i attempted suicide, and didnt succeed. I assure you that it’s not as bad as you think it is. You’ll look back on it later and laugh at all the silly things you wrote in order to get attention. I know i did the same. I’m not saying that you’re being pathetic, i’m just saying that you should be proactive and go out and get help about these things, and no matter how long it takes persevere. I went through six years of seeing a shrink twice a week and i’ve been on 10 different types of medication. I am now on one type of meds that actually work for me and im not even seeing a shrink anymore. It’s worth persevering to get help. People will walk away from you when you post so publicly your feelings. I lost my friends because they got sick of seeing how sad i was and all the silly things i put on my myspace and when they offered help i’d turn them down saying that i didn’t want their help. It’s silly and in the end you will only make it worse for yourself. Do something liberating. Get off of this site! Throw away your blades, your emo diaries, the emo pictures you draw or the quotes in your msn name. Then talk to someone about it (or do this first if you don’t feel strong enough to dispose of all your diaries and stuff alone) and then get them to support you as you do something sporadic like, paint your room, or pick up an extra curricular activity. It’s alot of effort but it’s well worth it. You will also need to start seeing a shrink for a while, and maybe they will give you medication. You are still a normal person…. You may have depression, but you yourself, are not depression. Depression does not define you. It’s an illness like the flu or chicken pox; with the right treatment, you will be free and you are not defined by your illness….
The world isn’t quite as dramatic as you think it is….. trust me!

I’m certainly glad you aren’t dead. Your note was strong and at the time a very real and grim possibility. I’m 24, I work for FDNY in New York City and an Emergency Medical Technician. I’ve seen suicides, murders and things you cannot imagine. I’ve been suicidal since I was about 15 years old. My father ran away with his girlfriend 3 years ago, I took car of my mother for 8 years. She passed away last year from cancer. I have no cousins, uncles, aunts, grand parents…. nothing. I’m 100% alone. My friends are tied up in themselves. I’ve got nobody to turn to and talk with. When I save someones life at work, nobody to congratulate me… when someone dies in my arms, nobody for me to cry to. But… I’m not alone. Neither are you. I have you, and you have me. We can always reach out to each other and hear each others thoughts, pains and sadness. If you ever need a shoulder or an ear, I’ll be here. In my basement apartment alone…

He’s pulling, she’s pushing, 90,000 ft. above the world. Awaiting silence to set place so the inevitable won’t happen, but to have such silence would be…..murder…The demons are riding the Ferris wheel now, I’m bleeding…My wrists look like hamburger meat…my hips & ankles are sliced open to a grace scenery of lust gone wrong. My throat??? That’s yet to be determined and untouched. My minds opened like an envelope, awaiting to be wrote, read, and stamped off to the 6th dimension. Where tree sap is gold and time is a waste….Tricked out microwaves to make you look like a coked out Elvis… Soothing , soft, thin, gentle blood drips from my ideas of my own. Shit hits the fan, ignoring everyone, my battle fort is up, archers are ready, no one is to come into my world. A trail of piranhas following my every kiss, touch and glare for I am a servant to “the one”….I’m stuck…holy shit, I’m really fucking stuck….Finding love, is like Pinocchio in the whales mouth….Here I am, stuck in this word of bigotry….and I have become one of them…So this is my Suicide Letter from me to you…FUCK YOU!