Since this passed January, I am 30 years old.
I have never dated, never kissed a woman, and (obviously) never had sex.
The enormity of what it would take to reverse my current mindset to help alleviate some of the above issues…is a hill I don’t try climbing any more; I’m too far behind at this point. On the good days I push my resignation to the back of my mind, and it just sits there in acceptance. On the bad days, all thoughts of “what could have beenâ€, the sense of loss, crash home and it’s only for lack of having easy access to a gun that I sit here typing this.
Sitting alone the other day, it dawned on me that in my belief, a life having not experienced love (of a non-family member) is pointless. I thought about how I found it odd that something I’d never experienced could drive me to wanting to end my life for lack of having experienced it.
If I don’t want to try to reach for that goal any more then…why wait?
15 comments
My 30-year-old brother took his own life this past November. As someone who has lost a close family member to suicide, I hope you will find the strength to keep living. Please know that life can and will get better no matter what you are going through, and your loved ones care for you very much. These are the words I wish I could have said to my brother–so I pass them on to you now.
stay strong. everyone is loved by some.
try going to church and maybe it will fufill you more. sex isnt everything. its a physical. love come in many shapes and sizes/form. try eharmony or other online dating… or even going to church/?
keep your head up 😉
Wow I find this site and I relate on some level with almost every single person here. 30 you got me beat by 7 years, I found love never kissed her never slept with her and she didnt want to be with me…and they say to have loved and lost is better than never having loved at all. They’re right, but to end your life becasue after 30 years you havent found something that people spend their entire life searching for. Grander scale here my friend my uncle didnt have a single girlfriend didnt even have a female friend for 38 years of his life, one day he met my aunt, wasnt looking for anything nor was she they’ve been married 18 years. I have never seen a happier couple in my life, now I know 30 years feels like a life time (pun intended it is a lifetime for you) but if you deny that one person who is waiting to be with you that is somewhere out there waiting to complete you and doesn’t even know it, you’re just hurting and scared and I’ve come to realize that its the human condition. I want to share a quote with you I do it in all my replies I feel like a broken record here but it helps me and if it helps you its worth it. Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow. There is always tomorrow its something I live by, and you asked why wait I’ll tell you why, becasue when you do find her, and I KNOW you will no doubt in my mind what so ever, that having love makes all the pain of a life time fade it makes even the bad seem good. So have faith that if you leave here you’re guaranteeing you’ll never find her, I know it hurts I do my friend I really honestly do, but you will and I want you to think back on this pain that you’re experencing and watch it melt away on that fateful day when you meet your other half.
I am currently 22 years old, and frankly I am in the same situation you are…your post could easily be me in 8 years…and truthfully, it scares the hell out of me, which is why I want to die.
Love is not a goal to achieve. It is a miracle, a gift of life. You may have it or not, you may have it soon in your life and lose it on the way, you may have it later when you have grown old.
It is true that the main part of 30-years-old men have long experienced sex, but not all of them have experienced love.
You can be one of the few blessed men who experience sex for the first time as a gift of love. It is not your fault if it hasn’t yet happened, be prepared, it may happen any time. She will be a lucky woman, she will have something very special in you.
Get a prostitute, first times are OVERRATED. At least you would know how it feels, about the love thing..yeah. But don’t think love can change your life for the better, i’ve seen it destroy alot of people. True happiness comes from within brother.
Set smaller goals that lead up to that one. Its easier then you think. If your afraid of rejection then just try with someone you dont even want. It sounds stupid, but it makes the rejection easier to handle. And its good practice to build up confidence. This way if you find the one you really want you wont be so nervouse. But dont go ‘looking’ for love, you’ll never find it. It has to find you.
My friend, go to plentyoffish.com. This is not spam, I do not get paid for saying this, but you will get laid. plenty of fish dot com is bigger than match.com and the kicker is, it’s free! I tell everyone who is hurting for someone to go there. I hope you do and feel better.
i didn’t find my husband until i was 39. had sex before then, but love is better and worth waiting for. don’t focus too much on sex, think instead about love. sex is a nice dessert, but love is the main course.
i tried plenty of fish and other dating sites … i met my second wife there … we got married seven mnths ago and are now separated for a month
I want you to listen to this one bit of advice from a guy old enough to be your father. you are putting so much importance on a relationship and love that you may be setting yourself up for the kind of huge disapointment i have experienced. do not settle for second best or for the first one who shows you interest. it my not be love but just a sad and lonely heart grasping at whatever is offered. you want to take time to get to know that peson and be honest with yourself about who and what she is and most of all if this is someone that truely meets your hearts desire … is this person … with all of her warts and wrinkles … is someone you can live happily with for the rest of your life …
no matter how lonely you feel do not sacrifice your peace and your heart on the alter of love or lust … please just be careful
look do wat you want with your life … it is your life after all. from my experience you really are better off on your own than facing the hell that two marriages has caused me. heartbreak is a bigger hell than loneliness. but that is just my oppinion.
if you do try a dating site please be careful. people, hiding behind an electronic profile do tend to lie about who and what they are. i met and fell in love with someone and it turned out that she is pretty amazing … but she has a dark side that is truely evil … and i did not see it there because i was so stupid in love … so happy to have someone in my lfe … i felt so thankful …
go in with your eyes wide open and be real about the person you eventually connect with … be honest with yourself about who and what she is … and what she wants
i am not sure if love is real. it has been my experience that love is a word that some women use to get what they want from someone…
don’t be as stupid as i have been
my life will end shortly and that is sure … i have no options left
i’m only a teenager, i don’t want love. I picture myself without someone. You can live, without it.
In other countries, people don’t fall in love and then get married, they get married and then fall in love. It actually works. Because you build a relationship, when you live with someone and work together, as long as you’re both decent people and there’s no abuse, it works out. People these days seem to think love is hard to find, but you don’t “find” it, you make it.
I am 21 years old and feel completely empowered that I haven’t given into the peer pressure of having sex before I was ready. When you are in love and know its right, thats when to do it. Don’t throw something so precious away. People like myself respect you and relate to you for waiting. Hang in there and find someone worth losing it for!
me and my best friend always get close, we cuddle, we kiss, we hold hands. but sometimes she regrets those things. i know i want my first time to be with her because relationships come and go, but friends are friends. i know she thinks about it, but i dont want her to regret it later. but your first should be someone who will take your virginity and not steal your heart. make sure its someone you trust and it will be worth the wait.
I’m a preteen and I never wanted to find live. But then I found him. But if you’re going through a bad time, just go to church. I went to church and then I felt better. You just can’t think about your situation to much or it will make you do bad things. You can take my word for it.