I’ve been seeing a shrink at school. She wants to put me on meds for my depression in addition to therapy. It’s a specialized therapy though. Its to change the way I think and percieve things in order to change my life. Depression is my comfort zone. It’s home; where I hide, where I am at peace with death and myself. I don’t think I’m going to go back to see the shrink. Part of me still wonders though: what would life be like if depression WASNT my home anymore…?
<3MisterRiddler
6 comments
You could try it, theres nothing to lose, but fair warning when they put me on meds they did the exact opposite.
helper
Mister Riddler,
I can definitely relate to your post. Until recently, depression is the only thing that I have known. As illogical as it sounds to many people, even though it is painful and sometimes torture, it can feel like a safe haven.
Please do not clam up about what I am about to say. I know I would have been tempted to.
Sadness is not the only option. Sadness is but an absence of happiness. The bits of comfort you find in depression is actually the glimpses of happiness that everyone has no matter what is going on.
No one is fully sad, even though it can really and fully feel that way.
Please, do not cling to sadness. It is not a guardian bird protecting you under its wing. Sadness is just decreased happiness (not even a total lack of it).
That comfort you have, it can be even more pleasant and safe feeling, and without so much pain and despair and feelings of being lost and alone.
It can actually be truly happy.
You can find true happiness in this life and not have to guard it like it is going to get broken as soon as you wear it outside.
I know things have happened to you, because they happen to everyone. Not the same things, I’m sure. But still, we all know what it is like to be sad.
Or rather, unhappy.
There are ways to go and things to do to help bring happiness to you even if you haven’t found them yet, but probably the best way to actually own and have happiness (happiness and love are of the few things in life that you can have and give away at the same time without losing anything) is to just allow yourself.
You are allowed to be happy. You deserve to be happy. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not less of a person than the rest of us. Plenty of us out here love you even though we haven’t met you and we want to help you through this.
Through love and friendship and sharing a mutual embracing of life.
Just try going outside today or tomorrow. Before you do.. try this:
Do not open the door yet. Prepare yourself first by letting every single last wall around your heart fall straight down. Look at everything through your heart. Then open the door and watch as many things in the area quickly return the love.
Many of them were probably already waiting for you to step outside!
Birds, the wind, children laughing outside, even simple colors and sounds!
Just try it for me, please, once if you haven’t already.
I know that many different people have different types of bouts with depression and that you may very well need this therapy and possibly medicine. You should always listen to a trusted professional that is treating you.
But you can always help yourself heal even more by allowing love to happen.
It isn’t something to force. You can’t TRY to love or TRY to be loved or TRY to make others love you.
Just let it happen!
Shine! You are a beautiful and wonderful person and I believe in you!
I don’t give a flippity-flup-flop that I have never met you!
That doesn’t matter one bit! I don’t care what you have done, who you are, what you will do, who you know, how rich or poor you are, who you know, what you can do, what you look like, or anything.
I care about you because in the MOST important sense you are just like me:
You have a Soul.
Souls are all the same. They end up doing different things, but at the very center of each and every one of us is just one simple but infinitely powerful trait: Love. That’s it. I know you feel that it is true, we all do! Whether or not you admit it is another story, but I trust you and I trust that you can see how I am being fully open with my heart to you so that you will heal and dance with me and go out in this world and help me and the rest of us heal others that need it, too.
Please be OK, friend.
I love you.
😀
I know exactly how you feel, and I have been in that position before. I know how it feels to be scared even thinking of happiness as a home, instead of the sadness. It’s because we’ve felt it so long, it’s all that we know anymore. I have yet to try the meds, or the more specialized treatments, because for me they cost so much money and sometimes, don’t work.
I’m not trying to disregard all thought of going back, but please do weigh the risks. I don’t know what you have gone through, and neither do you to me, but as cheesy as this may sound I feel like we can make the decision together. You make it through, and I will too.
EXACTLY! Oh my GOD thank you for saying that! Yes, we can get through this, all of us together, we are here for you, Riddler! And you, too, Color!
I wish I could build a floating city and just hover over your houses and drop a ladder down
I would have cake and penguins for you.
I’m bipolar. I love life without depression. I love riding the mania. If I could control it, I would. The depressions are getting deeper and darker with age.
Counseling may or may not help you, but you’d have to find the right person. If you go to a wrong person, it may actually be more detrimental to you! Trust me. Therapy works for some people and not for others.
Also, do NOT go on meds. Meds don’t fix the problem. They don’t fix the pain inside, but they will f*ck up your liver and kidneys and give you a host of side effects. I know tons of bipolar and unipolar (depressed) people on meds and they have a lot of health problems now. And they still have their awful depression so if it doesn’t even solve the problem, why take it?