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Hi,
I am sorry that you feel this way. Have you tried to contact some professional help – like therapist or counsellor? Sometimes friends are not able to help, because they have their own problems, their limited capacity to help and last but not least it is very scary for close people to even hear from others things like cuting themselves or speaking about suicide. It is tough cultural edge to speak about this openly. Do not believe you are worthless, being worth or not, it has nothing to do with it. You are you, but do not believe that all it is is just these couple of negative selfcriticism.
Cuting is the way that – what seems paradoxical – brings temporary relief because it consecutively releases endorphine in our brains – but only temporary and we can become used to it and also it brings another trauma to our lives.

Sometimes writing your thoughts can help – read it next day and try to see it as you are reading something that was written by some other person. Try to talk to that person.

Anyway, again, contact some skilled psychotherapist.

Love, Hugo

You sound like I do.
I grew up in an environment where it was not ok to show any emotion. I grew up feeling unloved and worthless. I still feel that way. I was always taught that emtion was a weakness, so I hid everything.
I turned on myself and stopped eating and starting cutting. I still cut.
There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t feel worthless or in the way and that people would be better off if I wasn’t here.
You are not alone in the way you feel.
I do not believe that you are “horribly ugly, selfish, stupid and all i do is cause problems for everyone i know” for a minute. The way you feel is because of things that have happened in your life that you haven’t known how to cope with. You probably hate yourself for feeling that way and don’t feel that you are “allowed to feel it”, as you apologised for taking our time at the begining, and said that you are selfish for feeling that way. That couldn’t be further from reality. The truth is, you are allowed to feel this way. You are allowed to be upset and hurting. It is not ok that people in your life have treated you that way, and made you feel the way you do.
It’s not your fault. I don’t know you, but I bet you’re not a bad person, I bet you have done nothing to deserve this.
Do you know why you cut, what you achieve by doing it? I’ve always found that emotional pain, and the scars that you cannot see are far far harder to cope with that physical pain. That physical pain drowns it out and leaves you in control. That’s not always a bad thing, as long as you are safe and look after yourself afterwards. Maybe that’s not the right thing to say, but cutting has kept me alive. I don’t always want to live. I feel like I am a waste of space, but cutting gives me the strength to get through the day.
I never went to Uni, and went straight into work just over a year ago. I am in the process of buying a flat so that I can move away from the people that hurt me. It has given me something to work for. Something for me, that I can do alone, and prove to myself that I am not worthless.
You can change the way you feel. It is not easy. Stick two fingers up to the world, and change your life. Decide that you are going to get the best grades you can get and plan your future. Gve yourself something to live for. Something that you want, not what others want for you.
You do not deserve to die. You do not deserve to be dealing with this alone. Just becaue no one in your life has opened their eyes and seen what is in front of them. It is not their faults; most peolpe haven’t had the life experience to know what they are seeing.
You are not worthless. There are a lot of people out there who love and care for you; they may not be great at showing it, but they do.
You will get through this. You have to believe that.
Live your life for you. Do the best that you can do. Not what everyone else expects of you. Not what everyone else is doing. Do what makes you happy.
To release pain and frustration I used to starve myself. I now bake double chocolate chip muffins and eat them! Ok, so it isn’t a huge step as I still cut, but I am not starving anymore.
One little tiny step at a time. You will pull through.
You had the strength to come on here and say what you were feeling. I hope you come back on here and read what has been said.
Complete strangers have thought you were worth caring about, and have commented. Doesn’t that tell you something?
If complete strangers care about you, think how much the people who know you care about you.
Life can be hard. Life sucks sometimes, but stick it to it, and live for you.
Easier said than done, I know, but try.
There’s always support for you. Ask.
Please stay safe.
Love Mary