How Much More Can I Take?

I go through these cycles too – I think it’s when we have no one to totally count on in our lives, it’s like the gaps in between the ‘good’ moments get too scary, and the ‘bad’ moments seem like these huge, horrible black holes that suck us in. We completely forget, at these moments, that we were ever happy, that anybody ever liked us, that anybody ever said or did nice things for us.

I don’t always remember to do this when I get caught in one of those black holes, but the thing that seems to help the most is to just pick up the phone and keep calling the people you trust the most until someone answers and you can talk.

There’s usually some ‘event’ that just happened, that was painful in some way, and my habit is to block the feelings, let them submerge, and it all happens so fast that before I know it I’m depressed and miserable without even realizing what’s got me down.

If I can catch onto the tail of the thing that sent me into the downward spiral, it seems like I can talk about that _one_ thing (rather than _all_ the overwhelming things that get stirred up alone with it) and it doesn’t overwhelm the friend I’m talking to, it can just be this sort of normal conversation. You can ask them if _they_ ever had a moment like the one you’re just experiencing, and that way they get to talk about their feelings too, and it becomes a way to connect rather than you just venting and feeling guilty for taking up someone’s time.

I don’t know if that helps at all or even would work for you, but those are the thoughts that came to mind when I read your post.