PANIC PANIC PANIC

fear isnt the greatest thing…maybe you should take that little leap and talk to someone…..talking to someone can help so much!!

i tried to take sertraline once, asked for a lot of help on here, but i didnt like them, made me feel very ill. My panic attacks have gone for now, but that doesnt mean i’m okay, I’m still terrified and i dont know how to get rid of that feeling. I dont know how to make myself realise that i am okay.

I see a councelor, but i never seem to tell her of anything of any importance. My mind goes blank whenever i speak/see her.

Any advise??

Drugs are never the solution. They make things worse.

I’ve suffered from panic attacks my whole life. I could get into the organic reasons; suffice to say, they’ve become a part of my life in a way that’s preventing me from a “normal life”. They short-circuit hope, erode my self esteem and keep me on the “outside looking in”…like I’m a prisoner of my own device. I think about suicide constantly as a means of escaping this agonizing prison.

Only recently have I started to see a therapist who encouraged me with this statement: “Panic attacks are your best friend”. What she means is they are trying to tell me something that I’m unwilling/unable to look at/acknowledge. It can be something in the present or from the past. I’ve tried to pay attention when I feel them coming on, and so far I’ve discovered the panic attacks occur when I feel boundaries violated and people don’t respect me. I’m not fighting or avoiding the panic attacks as I’ve done in the past. Fighting them only made them worse; acknowledging them seems to make them manageable. Like my best friend doesn’t have to behave so inappropriately wild to get my attention because I’m listening and paying attention better.

I’m still trying to work through the feelings of suicide, because my agony is still there. So I give myself another day to see if it will be better. Kinda like being at a bad movie and not wanting to leave just in case it has a better ending.

One day at a time…

Here’s a book my therapist recommended, “Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes”. It’s an older book, but so far, a couple dozen pages into it, I’m seeing myself in the pages. It’s like the author has read my journal and knows the turmoil I’ve endured. Knowing that I’m not alone or crazy is comforting. Now I have to trust and believe I can live freely.

aquaphoenix,
a beautiful name, but not a good name. It contradicts.
When the wind is up, one should set up the sail.
But you set up the sail, only when the storm is rough.
Aqua means water. Phoenix means colorful or fire. Water and fire don’t mix.
Better is bluephoenix. Although blue means water, but less contradiction.

Like hotphoenix, firephoenix, flyingphoenix, phoenixintheair, phoenixreborn.
That’s called suitable. And unique may not always be good.

A male lion without mane, or a female lion with testicles, will live through life miserably.

When young, I watched a film that was ridiculous, I left, although my friend preferred to stay through the money’s worth.
I even offered him the ticket’s price for him to leave, but was refused.
He didn’t like the film at all, but the price he paid and his principle somehow.
I avoided to ask this friend out later on, because of my principle of not getting a friend’s supposed support.
However he at times so lonely that he called. Even I had date with a girl, I let him come along.
Now I will not let that happen again. I will treat that as a stupid act if I am to serve a selfish guy like that.