so. this is my second time posting something here.
i had a panic attack last night. and drove 30 minutes away to my family’s cottage where i then spent the night. the whole way there i was driving at at least 85 mph. there were a few times where i actually almost went off the road. and i dont think i cared very much.
my best friend was supposed to come visit me at college tomorrow. but we got into an argument because i said some stupid things. and now he isnt coming. and i’m extremely upset by this.
we got into an argument about a month ago. and thats when i told him that i had previously had feelings for him. and we just never talked about it until a few days ago. when i told him ‘love you’ via text. which i only said because he seemed upset and i was trying to make him feel better. he responded with ‘it makes me really uncomfortable when you say that. because of our past history’
we have no past histroy. and it really hurt me and embarrassed me that he said that. so i told him that the next day. and he didnt understand. and i got frustrated. which led to my little panic attack. i was so stressed out by this. and now he wont talk to me. and i do think that i totally over reacted. but like. i said i’m sorry. what else do you want me to do?
i’m kind of upset that i didnt actually swirve off the road last night. i wish i would have. and now i cannot focus on my school work and i really dont know what to do.
i do have depression. and i do have medication for this.
earlier i became stressed again. so i took a xanax. and then i slept through one of my classes. and this didnt help one bit.
and i have absolutely no one to talk to about this because i told all of my friends that i think my best friend is gay so when i say i had feelings for him, i’d be super embarrassing for me. even more so than me telling him that i had those feelings in the first place. i need to talk to someone. and i have no one.
i dont know what to do.
and i cant keep myself busy. because i always come back to thinking about him
and this is when i think that it’d probably be so much better to just kill myself. somehow.
8 comments
I am straight. But I can think the feminine way.
So you are a man with a girl’s mind. Am I correct?
And your best friend you think he is gay too. But no way to prove it? Right?
But you love him, and that troubles you?
Or may be your best friend is a bi-sexual. Your telling others of him being gay may rob his chance with the girls.
Since this is a gay’s problem. Some straight minds can be disturbed by it?
If you’d mind about others’ harsh opinions, we can talk over e-mails.
Because I may be too straight forward in order to help you to solve your problems.
…well.
i’m a female.
and my best friend is a male.
so i cant say that i understand your comment at all.
hjm5,
So you are a girl, loving possibly a normal man.
But you might have hurt his feelings by saying that he is gay.
Sound like you are jealous of his not choosing you.
You told other friends. Then what about their gender.
okay first off im sorry. and im sorry your friend didnt understand. sometimes people dont understand things and we get mad over it and blow up. i do the same thing and it gets me in trouble like you are now. but just talk to him and tell him your truly are sorry and if he feels uncomfortable with you saying i love you tell him ur sorry that you were saying it in a friendly and comforting way…just tell him you need him most right now and can you two just let the past be the past and be friends again. im sorry and you can talk to me if you want.
Have to understand that most good guys will walk away from sex-involved situation that they thought to be only brotherhood thing with a girl.
However bad guys will do whatever it takes, before walking away.
That tells the difference between good and bad guys.
At least you have to find out if you can only cherish that brotherhood relationship or not.
If you can’t help being crazy in love with a relationship in your mind that will never happen, you yourself will suffer.
It’s only wise enough to avoid and walk away and find another target.
Otherwise it would only be an obsession. And this obsession definitely kills. Or falls in craziness before death.
Or who knows. Maybe after you transform to a better self, your charisma may draw him back.
Or maybe then, you may find that you are too good for him!
If you’re young, I would say you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Sai Chan, your buddhist talk isn’t helping. I’m not even totally sure of this girls situation and your cooments are offending me. I think shes looking for some kind of guidance, not your Confucious quotes.
Hjm5, i say just go with your gut feeling. If he’s a true friend he will be sympathetic and understanding of your feelings. If you really think he is gay, try to be supportive of him as well. In my opinion, those are the best kinds of friends to have.
hjm3,
I first responded to your letter out of the cause of your swerving 85 mph.
It’s like uncontrolled drink driving. You can risk your own but shouldn’t other people’s.
Secondly, on the cause of your saying no one to turn to.
Then I say things of a friend.
Also you have a tendency to like good guy, you have to know if you can fit in.
A good guy has the tendency to shun untruthfulness.
But the bad guy doesn’t care. As long as there is business, there can be friend.
Sorry to hear about the guy friend. I can relate to the guy because I don’t really know how to act when a friend, who I thought is just a friend, is actually in love with me. There’s this feeling of guilt and awkwardness for feeling that maybe you’ve somehow led them on and being unable to return their feelings.
I’m sorry to say that I usually break off all contact with those friends because I always feel that I’m expected to give more than I’m willing to in the relationship.
I can understand that it may not be how they think at all, but I also believe that it will always stay in the back of their mind and I just couldn’t handle feeling obligated to return their show of love, so I just leave them.