Losing my grip

I’m losing it, can’t hold it. No more. This feeling of pain, that’s what I wish I didn’t feld, but how can you not feel it when it’s basically what you have everfelt? My friends don’t have any idea about this hurt, this pain killing me, my family just gets it worst. My mask is falling, my faking mask is falling appart, I’ll keep smiling for them, even if tears come out too, I’ll keep smiling and say they’re happy tears. Life it’s not wonderful, neither grateful, just the opposite. Breathing gets harder everytime, just as faking, but I can stop breathing. Maybe just maybe I could find that happines that can not be found. I’m still breathing but I don’t know how much I’ll last, in the mean time, I’ll fake my smile.