its not what i expected.

the first time i cut. i kinda expected the blood to squirt everywhere, like in the movies, sometimes i still do. ya know? it just seems called for but its all slow and sticky. beh >.< i always wondered if we’re supposed to be here. when i think of all the ways i can chose from to off myself, i do it because i think im a burden. so if we think that of ourselves, are we really bad people for doing it? i mean we’re just trying to help, saving people from the wreched amounts of pain we’ve put them through. i mean is it that bad? trying to do whats right, i know its wrong. but somewhere in my mind i’ve come to believe, isn’t it my choice? to live in pain or to die freely? i’ve hurt everyone i care about. isn’t it time, karma pays back and i die?