My life.

Some of the things that you wrote seam so familiar to me.I know how you feel because I went through some similar things.. First I would like to say that I’m just writing these hoping you’ll be patient enough to read my reply and that at least some things will help you.. You’re not being selfish by writing these; you just need to talk about your problems, like every one of us on this site, actually..1.The fact that you tried to feel better by starting to play Lacrosse – although it didn’t work out – was still a very good thing; that means that you’re willing to do something about your crappy feeling..2.Just because some people let you down or even when it seems that everything goes wrong in your life does not mean you should lose your faith in everything…Yes, it does suck to feel misunderstood and alone, but if you just choose to be mad at them instead of trying to fix it, you basically give up on your chance of being happy…- As for the mistake that u made, and to which you lost your best friends, you should try and talk with them again, try to get them back Because if they could really be real friends they would understand you and forget your mistake and if they don’t, than at least you would know you tried and you can carry on. We’re all human, we all make mistakes and if they would really care about you they would try to understand you, and especially in the situation that you were in at that moment, they should be aware of that too…It would suck if in a few years you will be reminded of them and suddenly regret terribly that you lost them out of a stupid thing and you didn’t tried harder…Feeling that you miss out on a lot of chances, that’s another nasty feeling. And if that “fuck it all, i don’t care” attitude kicks in, that’s only because you’re either afraid or fed up of trying because you’re just to sick and tired of trying and not succeeding..But keep in mind this: Just like “practice makes perfect” and “why do we fall? So you can rise again”, so is the simple idea of being optimistic…Simple, but very hard to apply. But try to think of it like this: if something bad happens to you, yeah..ok, it’s horrible what you’re feeling, but the more you have a negative attitude, the more you get used to feeling bad…it’s like you accept your fate..Now there’s a good reason to “rise” and do try to fix it…and if it seems hopeless, it might just be that you feel so awful that you can’t think clearly, so it might seem hopeless only at first..You can start with trying to clear your head and make some order in your thoughts and that can be done by writing it down, and even better by talking to someone.. Again, I hope I’m making some sense and at least some things from what I wrote will help you…Oh, I almost forgot: Those 2 best friends of yours, ex-friends, Just because you would lose them, doesn’t mean you couldn’t find other friends in this entire world…That trust issue of yours…is a terrible thing to have..To feel so alone but scared to trust anyone again because of the risk of getting hurt…again. But you have to try to be rational – that’s the only way to solve anything Mind over matter, mind over feelings, (which can be deceiving..). You have to try to get out of that nasty state of mind and really think on the possibilities of solving your problems. You feel that something is wrong, well man, you gotta do your best to figure out exactly what you want and always keep in mind the thought that you deserve to be happy as much as everybody else. And you can’t accept another day of misery or depression or frustration or any other bad feeling…It’s hard, of course, and sooo many things that happen seem so meaningless, but in order to not go crazy you have to think that everything happens for a reason..
3.All people die eventually. Why some of them pass away too early, or too tragic or in any way that seems totally unfair for them and for those who miss them…it’s hard to believe there’s a fair reason for that…But when it happens we have to try to accept it because that’s reality..And we can’t do anything about it..But do something about the things that you can solve..before it’s too late; before your problems add up so much that you choose the tragic exit and give up on fighting..Sometimes it feels like we only have to fight, but to those who really try, eventually some good things will happen..
4.Man, it seems like you went through enough already but no one you know makes it any easier for you..If you come to the conclusion that they couldn’t help you than find someone who can. And until then try to solve some other things…First of all take one problem at a time; try to talk to your mom, then to your brother and so on..The idea is that if you want to solve a problem you need to look at it from more perspectives. You want to be understood so try to put yourself in your mom’s position as well. Try to think why she feels/ acts in the way that boders you, the same for your brother and everyone else. This is the only way to get to see reality and things the way they are, try to be open-minded in spite of your over-whelming feelings (i think you know how it is to say something just to let it all out and then regret it..that’s because you were to deep in anger or frustration etc. that you weren’t actually being rational, but remember “mind over matter” ) and thus you will know for sure what or if to expect anything from them. And if not, at least you will know you’ve done your part of the job..Even if you risk to be hurt again, if that happens you should only accept that they don’t deserve your attention and move on, it’s not fair to be angry at yourself..
5.God, there are just so many things to say, and I may sound so annoying with my advices, they may seem too hard or too unpractical..I don’t know you, so I can’t tell what can help you best..But like I said at the beginning, I went through some similar things and I wrote down what I learned after these trial and error experiences in my life, which until now ( I’m 20 years old) have seemed like a battle field..A fight to try and find some reason to what happens in one’s life..Life is complicated, My hell started in junior high, increased in high-school and now, finally, when I’m the second year in college, I got to a point where I have some experience..I told you about trial and error because now I believe that going through that hell was worth it because I’ve at least learned some things…So the most important advice i would have for you is Don’t give up..Anything can happen and at this point you can’t know for sure what tomorrow brings – in the good and the bad sense of the word- but what u can do is try to do your best…Even when it seems that others don’t give a crap..You can always find something if you really, really want it..