I’ve tried to kill myself only once but am constantly fantisizing about doing it again. When I was 19 on halloween i took acid. It wasn’t my first time or my first “bad” trip, but it was the worst and last. Do drug induced suicide attempts even count? this one must because i am constantly thinking about it still.  I could relay this crazy tale of how I got naked and tried to hang myself and then tried to bash my head into the cement floor repeatly in front of all my friends but I dont even want to think about it (though I’ve never been able to stop thinking about it since). Its been 6 1/2 years and I kinda still feel like I’m on that trip.  I struggled with depression and chemical dependency long before this trip but think that i fried my brain and destroyed my life, not to mention all my friends were there and i’ve never been able to be the same around them since (and we never talk about it). I cant focus on anything. My attention lasts maybe a minute. when poeple talk to me i act like i’m listening but I’m usually thinking about other stuff. I cant meet women i like because i’m very nervous socially and am always way too stoned to form sentances let alone use smooth pick up lines. I dont think I ll ever get the guts to acatually kill myself but if im thinking about it every day and never enjoy myself then why should i live. i’m unemployed and have no motivation to do anything. My friend just bought a house (with money he inherited after his father’s suicide last september) and he’s willing to pay me 10 bucks an hour to fix it up. i can work whenever i want for however long i want. today i worked for ten minutes before i had to go back home and sleep. I am always imagining ways i could kill myself or senarios that involve me committing suicide. I get down on myself for not living up to my potential and for being so selfish when I am lucky considering 90% of the world lives on less than a dollar a day. I just cant see myself doing anything I like. . Carreers, houses, cars, wives…. It all seems like bullshit. Fooling myself that I’m happy. How can any of us be happy in this fucked up, unfair, shallow world. Im so damn sick of sex. Im sick of pop music. Im extra sick of smoking pot. And yet these are the only earthly things that have ever given me any kind of happiness. I’m going into trip-mode here and should stop so others can get help. my mind just wanders and alwaysgoes to negative places ( like a bad trip) I am full of regrets and contradictions. Please dont kill yourself (everyone) its a fucked up world but were all in it together. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I FEEL IT TOO, RIGHT NOW. i’m gonna be ok and i hope you will too.
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Hey buddy. Your post is one of the best I’ve read in here, partly because it made me smile. I’m sorry, that sounds very disrespectful and mean, but seriously, some of the things you described, and the way you write it are just, well, funny. Ever thought about doing stand up comedy? That aside, I’m really sorry about your pain, and the tough things you are experiencing. I really don’t mean to make fun of you, rather, I’d just like to thank you for writing a nice post, and for making me smile.
well that is not true that 90% of the world is living with less than a dollar a day and if they were, definitively it is not because their apartments cost the same as one in Paris or in London. Yes, in Latvia, or Colombia or Tunisia you may be making an average of 400 dollars a month, but you can buy an apartment for 15.000 Euros. In Spain you make an average of 1000 Euros a month, but a standard flat will cost you as a minimum 350.000 Euros. So people in Latvia, Colombia and Tunisia are better off than anybody on the western EU.
Many people are happy in this world and it is because they are unsensitive to the evil or unfairness and they are pretty much oriented towards their own pleasure. In fact I regard them as the most intelligent, because they really know how to live. Analytical people or too sensitive have a hell of a life here, and time runs out too quick and never warns you when the game is over. Many people have the ability to identify opportunities and grab them regardless of whatever, if that brings them pleasure or success. See for example the 18 year blonde model bonking and fucking with 72 year old Berlusconi, the Italian president. Now she has a villa, a Ferrari, she runs her own model agency and has millions to spend every year, and she is 18.
Other decent girls go to university, spend 6 years struggling with mathematics and physics and then apply for a measly job being subdued the rest of their lives to pay a mortgage.
Who is the intelligent girl there ? the 18 year old millionaire girl or the PhD in physics girl making 1000 Euros a month?