I have one desire. Death. It’s been a while since i’ve posted anything but I guess everything has been building up lately. To really sum it up. Life is shit. That’s my way of putting it…but if you have the time here are some of the details.
I’m pretty sick of everybody right now. Sick of my family putting me down and getting into my business. I just wish they would leave me alone or kick me out of the house…not likely though considering I just turned thirteen but hey, a kid can dream on right? I hope so, because I’ve been doing quite a bit of that lately. Dreaming. Dreaming about my beautiful death. My one desire. I’ve constantly been finding myself stuck in this routine. I’m constantly day dreaming about my death and thinking up how exactly i’ll kill myself. I will though, kill myself. I know that for sure. I can’t live with this desire much longer and i’m about to fall over the edge. I want to die though. I don’t exactly feel like it’s my only option, I feel like it’s the best option. I’d rather take the easy way out, i’m not ashamed of that. I’m weak, I know that well. I’m just so sick of it all. My family, friends…people I thought were my friends that is. Even people at my church, calling me names, talking behind my back, being bitches is their strongest talent. I’m sick of being jealous of the person I consider to be my best friend, she’s gorgeous and she has it all together. I hate that. I’m quickly falling to pieces and she’s got a new boyfriend every week. I don’t take anyones advice anymore because I no longer trust anyone. I’m sick of trusting people only to be let down. I’m sick and tired of it all. I’m done listening to the things people say about me. I’m not going to waste my time and energy blocking it from my mind, i’d much rather just take my life. I’m not scared. I’m not scared of surviving and having brain damage or anything due to overdose. I’m not scared of surviving and being paralyzed due to allowing myself to be hit by a car. I’m not sorry for whoever would hit me with that car either. I’m not scared of stabbing myself or putting a gun to my cheast. The whole hit by a train thing however I refuse to do.
I’m sick of typing so i’m just gonna stop right here. comment if you’d like.
Sincerely,
me
6 comments
in one of your posts you say that you are a devoted christian. will you please talk to me?
my contact info is at … you already know, i’m sure. skull09.net
why don’t you talk to me? :{
please don’t cuss…
take care of yourself, do what is right and speak well of those who speak cruelly of you – forgive them, please.
i really wish you would talk to me
hey, look, im sorry. i cant help.. dacnce.cassie.dance@hotmail.com
im not going to push my religion or beliefs on you. i just know EXACTLY how you feel.
She is baaaack! I was wondering – you just turned 13 and you are writing in this smart way. Hmm… people in church? Whiteylover is that you?! 🙂 Long time no see. I started to asking myself where are the people who used to post here two months ago? Seems like nothing has been solved with time. Sorry to hear that.
I went through this (in a way) when I was only a tiny bit older than you. I would like to help you, if you would let me.
andreaecarr at gmail.com, anytime.
-Andrea
Wow, i feel the same way as you, so i know exactly how you feel, as i think
about suicide ways i could kill & sacrifice myself this has been going on for years now & only seems to get worse as i’m in a trance as depression & thoughts of suicide are always on my mind, i’ve been depress for a long time over 13 years, including my teen years too, i thought i was over it,
funny how the bad things always never seems to completely go away in
life, my friends i had no longer want anything to do with me, my family/
parents don’t believe in me either, as my dad picks on me like i’m still a kid, make me cry & wish i was dead, i never had love in life, i keep trying
maybe i’m fooling myself , never will feel real & in love with someone in
my life, i’m 42 years old by the way, life seems to be passing me by quick, yet i haven’t found myself & happiness here, just wish god could
take my life away & let others have a chance in life, i’ve only been a burden to everyone i’ve known, that’s why i’m alone & depress in life,
my luck never seems to change no matter how hard i try. you are
only 13 years old, you are too young to think about suicide, just got a few
years before you are able to go to college & live away from home, it
is something good to look forward to as you will make new friends &
live life better , don’t make the same mistakes i’ve made, as you
got your whole life ahead of you yet, it’s too late for me, i haven’t got a chance i just want to help & want everyone else to be happy in life.
heh. thanks Entity. I’m back. But not for long. 🙂 fuck everybody else