Justalvaro this is to you. I live in a very stressful enviroment. From 7 to 16 I was being beaten by my father and my best friends boyfriend would beat me if I did not do what he wanted. And at that same time I was cutting my arms every day to try and forget what was happening. What he wanted was for me to be a pet. I was used to give men and women pleasure for 9 years straight and I would be in a hospital almost all the time. My best friend at 13 who tried to protect me from it died in my arms. That same Christmas I found out 60 friends had committed suicide. But what people did not tell me was that they did it from April till Christmas. I think in my entire life I have lived through either 90 or 100+ suicides… I try not to think of it because it brings me to tears and wanting to die myself. Oh I forgot to say the same guy using me as a pet stabbed me in the middle of my chest when I was 12 years old. I still have the scar to this day and I am 20 years old now.
After I turned 16 I started dating this guy. After a few weeks of dating I found out he had just gotten out of jail and was just going to use me for sex. That day he raped me in the back seat of his mothers car at a park. After that happened my cutting got worse, I dropped all my emotions and I apparently planned to kill my family. I don’t remember planning it but my family told me I did. I am bisexual, a wiccan and an emotional wreck. As I go on day to day now that I am 20 I just feel like I need to die or something. I can’t really trust my friends or my family and I am losing my mind like I did when I was 16. I am a California girl born and raised but I think I should have been born some where in country instead of the city. The stress I am going through now is just so weird… My parents want to get a divorce, my dog who has kept me from killing my self for so long is dying and my lil sis is starting to fall into my old habits.
But the good thing that is going on in my life is I have two published poems, I am going to school and soon I will be able to drive wherever I want soon so I can soon drop a lot of stress.
<3 Angelena Branch
3 comments
I can’t imagine living a life like that , I’m surprised you’ve managed to stay strong , despite your claim of being an emotional wreck . I don’t really know what it is to say , but , I’m just astonished of the things that people have to live through , even at such a young age . You seem to have lost people left and right and that must’ve been such a psychological strain , knowing that you couldn’t entirely depend on anyone no matter how much you cared for them . And all of the people who were supposed to care for you and support you were the ones repressing you and scarring you … I’m sorry . It sounds horrible , and if I were you , I would probably go into a fugue and try to start my life all over . You don’t have a need for those repressive , hurting memories . Just take the strength and courage that you’ve build up , the ones that make you YOU , and try to live life the best you can , far away from all the pain , and try to heal at the same time . It’s not easy , I know people who’ve been through things far less extreme than you , and to this day are still healing , but it’s all a process , and the strength that you’ve demonstrated and keep on demonstrating is enticingly incredible and admiral , and someone like you can surpass this ; they say people are born with the strength to face their path in life , and as messed up as your life has been , you’ve demonstrated the strength it takes to come a long way . Don’t give up now , I hope you don’t (: .
if you are 20 then why dont you go to the country?
I won’t give up and yea life has been a struggle. I am strong and I can live though almost anything but sometimes… I just feel so weak. I won’t kill myself either. There are too many people who need me.
What country Charlotte?