School is going to be hell today.
I used to like school, used to like learning about the english language and chemistry, but I don’t anymore. Now school just seems like another prison for me, somewhere people can bombard me with questions I don’t have the answers too, where kids can act like they don’t care if I live or die.
I bet they don’t care, I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if they didn’t care.
I don’t really care what happens to me at this point, I’m just sick and tired of being trapped in this body where I’m not even comfortable in my own skin, stuck inside this mind where nothing important is going on, its all just mush now that will someday turn into dust, if it isn’t there already.
I’m not stupid, I just don’t feel like giving a damn anymore. My parents ask me why, my so-called friends ask me why, but the truth is I don’t know. One day I just woke up and I didn’t care about my grades anymore. I stopped dressing up in cute little skirts and bouncy tops, I stopped doing my hair so it flowed over my neck and shoulders, down all the way to the lower part of my back, and I stopped wearing the glorious make-up that I had once prided myself over.
Why? Why, they all want to know. Did it ever occur to anyone that I just don’t care what other people think about me?
No. I didn’t think so.
I think I sound like a self-righteous, pious ***** whose just ranting about being a poor, innocent child that just doesn’t want to do the school-work, when that’s not it all. All my life I’ve wondered what I’m going to do with myself when I get out of high school, but now I see I may never get out. Serves me right, mean, criminalized depressionists don’t deserve to be let out of jail.
So, I’ll just sit here in my cramped cell space, loathing the very moment I came into this world and was bore into this world of madness. I’ll just sit here and wait for the poison to be removed from my heart, where it is as cold as the prison bars I’m trapped by.
4 comments
Hello
Well, somewhere in the world seems to care because he is answering 15 minutes after you posted. The feeling you have transferred is that you have deep sadness, but, you haven’t told me why. Or is it that you don’t know why? You seem well beyond mature about the kids of your age, and at the same time, you are very sensitive. I believe the sadness is responsible for both things. But, young girl, even if you feel like that now, today, the important thing, the true important thing is what you all are. You are young and a girl, and that is like a gift from heaven. I know, I know everybody says it and it may not make a difference when the person is sad, but even if it doesnt improve your mood immediately, keep that asset in your pocket.
If you want to discuss more details, you can write me to spain2004 at yandex dot ru
I have had 2 personal letters of thanks of two girls, that I never met, who told me, I made a difference. The reason is that I care. Even if I dont see them, even if I dont know where they are.
Come on girl, lets see if we can work this out. By all means, we will improve it.
Ignore the kids, dont take anything to the heart because you must know that everything will be affecting you 100 times more than under normal circumstances. For example, if I am alone and angry, or just normal and I ring a friend and he is not home, nothing happens in me. I call him later and that is it. BUT, if the person is depressed, and feels alone or even in panic, the fact that someone does not answer the phone unchains a series of imaginary thoughts, like, “oh I know, nobody cares for me, or he doesnt want to answer the phone because it is me, etc etc. All that is imaginary, but the person interiorizes to the maximum until he has made the big issue about it.
So, if you havent gone to school yet, then take these words with you.
best greetings
Al
Hope you feel the positive energy behind you today!!! Hope you take Al up on his offer…it couldn’t hurt to try.
I still dont know why i dont care……
Maybe you can help me find the answer.
sieg24@gmail.com
Hi “prison bares”
I read your letter and it seems you are deepley depressed, I see thst you don’t care about school, friends,…
You are really headding for trouble, I know, I am classed as seve deplressed and I do see the simtoms in your letter, you need to go to you GP and talk with him/her about this.
I also would sugest you talk to your parents, pastor about your feelings.
You are not the onley one feeling this way.
Satan has his ways of attacking us when we are week and he knows our week spots and he will use that to pull us down.
I have committed my live to Jesus, he is my Lord and Saviour, if you feel like talking, please feel free to drop me an mail marius777@telkomsa.net
I mould really want to see you smiling and feel good about yourself and life.
Remember the prison door is open, it is your choise to stay or leave…
marius777