IÂ find that its easier to smile then to frown.
I’m stuck in a school where no one wants to hear about your problems, they just want to get through the six classes of the day and be done with it.
What isn’t easy is pretending. I’ve never had to pretend to be happy when I’m not, it’s never been necessary. Now, in high school, it’s like they have “be happy or don’t bother coming” postered on every single space of wall. The girls don’t cry from heartbreaks, the emo’s dont shed a tear for their screwy lives, and the clinically depressed never even spring a leak for fear that if they did, they would be shunned as an emotional *****.
I thought teenagers were supposed to be emotional, but it seems like everywhere I go people are telling me that crying isn’t going to help. Maybe it’s not, but if it relieves some of the pain, if it relieves some of the pressure I constantly feel weighing down my mind, isn’t it worth the embarrassment?
I sat in a small corner of the school today and just cried my eyes out for no reason other then I wanted people to see I wasn’t afraid of their judgmental eyes or their burning glances. As I sat there a smiley little tune came into my head, and Im still smiling through my tears no just humming it to myself.
“Gray skys are gonna clear up, put on a happy face. Brush off the clouds and cheer up, put on a happy face. And spread sunshine all over the place, Just, put on a happy face” 🙂
6 comments
hello, well if you ever need a friend i will be here or you. (:
Same thing in my former highschool (I dropped out)
Everyone was spread into cliques , but everyone had the same fixed attitude : seemingly happy . I would always “wtf” it , because I agree , everyone should just put on their real face from now on . If it wasn’t an unexplained happiness , it had to be drama , never was there anyone who defied the norms in that fucking school . Everyone was separated , but the funny thing was that everyone was the same .
But what I did learn was one thing: in high school , nobody changes , they become just like their neighbor , meaning that everyone jocks each other’s personalities and tastes , sometimes attaining their same problems , that’s why they’re all so similar . It’s a puppet show , and if you’re not a puppet , then you’re not featured in the show .
I’m glad you chose to be independent . This world is much bigger than a stupid play . Hang in there (:
@searching for hope:
Thank you!
I’ve read some of your posts and I have to tell you that i think they are really, really good! uve got some major writing talent!
it is enough to hear that you are still alive(: so don’t thank me.
really? well i guess bc i really do feel this u know its like.. i just wanna jump over the other side of the computer n hug all these people and it all stems from me wanting that when i am down. but lately.. i know im depressed, but i kinda like block it… but i know im not happy.. so im stuck in the middle.. ive been feeling blank. anyway, how are you doing?
I’m doing much better actually. Im not feeling quite as down as I was a couple weeks ago. My friend Drake has been a big help, it’s not that he’s ever been depressed or anything, but it is just that he gets that I dont want to be told not to be depressed, because its not that simple.
You know, sometimes being in the middle is a good thing, I mean at least ur not depressed. U shouldnt feel bad just because ur not happy, becuz then when you finally think ull happy something will happen, big or small, and ull realize that happiness isn’t something that is attainable, and ur not going to feel it constantly, just like ur not going to be constantly depressed.
Im just ranting, but im not trying to preach or anything, i swear!! Hmm…Happiness. Oh, stroke of genius, I just found another topic to talk about in a post.
YES!!! Thank you! oh, i mean….no thank you! haha lol! 🙂
thats awesome, i wish i had that kindof courage