Dark Thing: Hello.
Me: Hello.
Dark Thing: How are we doing today?
Me: I’m fine.
Dark Thing: Well, do you want me to fix that?
Me: Not really, but I know you are going to anyway.
Dark Thing: Don’t sound so cynical, Violet.
Me: Aren’t I always cynical?
Dark Thing: Only when I want you to be.
Me: Oh yeah, I forgot about that little detail.
Dark Thing: There you go again, always the one with the sarcastic comments.
Me: Piss off.
Dark Thing: Violet….
Me: Stop it.
Dark Thing: Hush now Darling, don’t you see this is all for your own good?
Me: I’m not listening to you.
Dark Thing: Oh, but you’re listening to me all the time, even when you don’t realize it.
Me: Go away.
Dark Thing: You see that knife over there Violet, the one with the shiny tip just pointy enough to cut into your flesh?
Me: Yes…
Dark Thing: You know you want to pick it up.
Me: No I don’t.
Dark Thing: Don’t you? Don’t you know it would feel nice if you just let the knife cut into your skin, not enough to kill yourself but enough to make you feel the pain?
Me: NO! I won’t! get out of my head and LEAVE ME ALONE.
Dark Thing: Roses are red, Violets are blue… Aren’t you blue, Violet? All sad because her daddy didn’t care enough to look after her, didn’t love her enough to leave her with a responsible babysitter who wouldn’t treat her like a play thing???
Me: STOP IT!!!!! I WON’T LISTEN ANYMORE!
Dark Thing: Hush now Violet, just pick up the knife and do it, I know you can.
Me: I can’t I won’t.
Dark Thing: Yes you will, just let your hand do all the work, there you go, pick it up.
Me: Please don’t, I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to bleed!
Dark Thing: PICK UP THE KNIFE, VIOLET!
Me: I Can’t, I won’t!………………………………………………………………………………………
Alright, you win.
Dark Thing: Good girl 🙂
26 comments
I want to help you, but I don’t really know what to say…
Does this often happen? next time Dark Thing talks just do something else to distract you or best I can say is quickly dip your face into cold water to shock yourself out of that mindset… sorry I can’t be more help.
hi, whats makes dark thing appear?
every time that dark thing wants to force you to do pain, kick it out of your head. its your life, you CAN take control of things and dark thing could go away forever. take charge of your life and actions.
🙂
I’m never quite sure what triggers it. I could just be lying down in the bathtub content and relaxed and all of a sudden I will close my eyes and I hear the dark thing telling me how much I want too just slide down under the water and never come up. It happens like that all the time, when I’m doing the most trivial things even. I don’t know how to stop it, I’ll try to distract myself when I hear it, like turning up music really really loud to drone it out, but it never works, it usually just ends up screeching at me so loud I have to do what it says just to make it go away, or else it will just keep on screeching at me.
I don’t know how to stop it, I’ve tried everything I can think of…Except death.
That’s the only thing I can think off to shut the damn thing up, but I don’t wanr to committ suicide.
I feel at a complete loss with it, and I don’t know what to do anymore, so I don’t fight it sometimes, the pain is hard but I just want the voice to go away.
Maybe I’m just terrified I’ll recognize the voice, and then I will kill myself.
Is it an ‘actual’ voice or is it something like habit thinking… I know your not crazy but it would help to hear that answer. I feel for you.
MyChoice,
for your information, since you’re interested in the brains.
Even if it’s exterior influence of an “inaudible” voice, a medium can hear it with his/her left ear.
While a strong thinker being influenced will only be misled seemingly with his own thoughts.
But disturbed minds of tipped physical health think they hear it with their right ears, while it’s only their delusions.
This’s all related to the different functions of left and right brain structures.
Right brain, is for higher perception or abstract definition, also controls most parts of left side of body.
Left brain, is much for reasoning, that controls most parts of right side of body.
While meditation as some may suggest, is actually very dangerous for minds with low reasoning of left hemisphere.
They may have a high risk to snap and lose it.
Violet,
if you really want to be helped, would you tell me if the picture of the blue eye at your blog is your own eye or not ?
There I see a problem.
@MyChoice: Yes, it is an ‘actual’ voice. And before you ask, I’m not schizophrenic. I mean, I’ve talked to a few choice counselors about it before, and they tell me that its perfectly normal to hear that voice. Normal? yeah, totally, because hearing an evil things voice telling u to do bad things is normal, ok. I don’t happen to agree with the assumption that I’m not crazy, I’m not saying I am, but saying I’m not not crazy I feel is a lie, because I don’t know if i really am or not.
@fireflieslight: I get the feeling that you know a lot about the brain. I don’t know if me hearing the dark thing has anything to do with the whole left brain/right brain thing, but It’s not really a mojor concern of mine at the moment. Are u a psychologist? U definitely sound like one.
Btw, I have brown eyes. They change colors all the time, and I liked them blue the best. I don’t see how that that really matters tho.
Oh, i more thing.
Uve read my blog??
You have a blog?
Yes, its called Define Normal on Blogger.com actually.
Most of what i write on here is on my blog, although they both change. I talk a lot more about things that happened to me as a kid and what they’re doing to me now on my blog then I do on here. I just feel less coneected to people on my blog so its easier for me to write what I want.
I guess its just easier for me not to be judged there by what i say or write.
Feel free to check it out
Cool. I just tried to go to it but the site wouldn’t let me 🙁
oh well
I don’t hunk your crazey. I have had the same issue on and off recently. I don’t know when it started. Maybe a month or two ago. But it almost never shuts up. It just lowers to a murmur. I’m trying
to make it go.
Mine never goes. I don’t know whose voice it is, maybe somewhere deep down inside of me i do know, but I don’t really want to know.
I don’t think its going to go away anytime soon, no matter how much i want it too.
I think you all don’t think I’m crazy because if u admit that im crazy, it means ur all crazy too.
It won’t let u go to it because u have to consent to the whole “explicit content” thing
hey I want to say something but I’m afraid I’ll spook you so before I do say I want to ask you, what are all your theories on the voice?
I’d visit your blog but my internet… confusing to explain.
um never mind about what I was going to say… sometimes my imagination makes me look like a complete nut.
I must say young Violet that your posts have intrigued me for some time. I am trying to check out “Define Normal” but am having difficulty with the site. I created a profile and erythang but how do I find your blog?
@_
I think you just type in define normal on the site. You know what, I have a better idea! http://veebee20-definenormal.blogspot.com/?zx=d5f92816e4ea6b05
theres the address, copy and paste! You really thinking my posts are intriguing? Well, thank you very much. 🙂
@MyChoice
You can go ahead and ask whatever it is you want, I am not going to flip out on someone for having a creative imagination, trust me I have my own imagination that is creative so I know how it is. Actually, that brings me into one of my theories. I have weighed the possibilty that the voice is just my imagination and its not even real at all, but I doubt that, it either seems to real, or i really am schizophrenic and the doctors who tell me im not are complete imbecils.
Another theory is that the voice is the man who sexually abused me as a child and my unconscious mind is dredging that up and using it against me, telling me to do naughty things, just like he did when I was a kid. That theory seems pretty plausable.
Maybe it’s the opposite of my conscious, the devil on my shoulder instead of the angel sort-of thing.
My favorite theory: I really am just crazy.
I just read your first two entries and I have concluded tht…….I LOVE YOU! (and no not in THAT way. I don’t love like that) you are really strong. You need to tr to explain to your sister that what he di was bad. And try to explain that the devorce isn’t your fault and why. It might not work but jut try.
There’s no way your crazy, you wouldn’t be here if you were. It’s most likely psychological trauma like you said. You’ve been through something terrible. Have you tried asking it questions? “Maybe” the way to get rid of it is to confront it. I’m not much help, sorry.
@77evergone77
Thanks for your support! It feels good to know that lots of people here think you have talent and that you could actually amount to something someday. Actually, writing isn’t something I am thinking about majoring in in college or anything, but I will never stop writing for as long as i live (however long that may be). My sister doesn’t stand to reason, she loves our stepdad, even if he does abuse her and I, and that’s understandable that she does, hes the only type of father figure that she’s ever know. I’m just afraid that she is going to grow up and marry someone just like him, abusive, dickish, and altogether evil. I am going to do everything I can not to let that happen, ive spent so much time protecting her from evil men, I just don’t want her to get hurt.
@MyChoice
I have tried asking it questions in fact. Mostly things like “Why are you doing this to me?” and it doesn’t give very effective answers. “Because I can” is the one it uses most.
This response from it I would expect, I mean It knows it can control me. I am weak, vulnerable, unresponsive, and downright pathetic. The perfect target for anything. I’ve tried to get it to go away, but I can’t, I don’t know how. So it just stays there, taunting me, degrading me, and theres not a single thing in the world I can do other then listen to it.
Every word you speak shoots strait to the withered thing that is my heat. Wow that sounds so weird and corny (my specialty). Your sister must realize the truth. Give her some time. If you don’t want to write, then what do you plan to do? I’m curious.
“I am weak, vulnerable, unresponsive, and downright pathetic.” – from reading your other posts, your absolutely nowhere near close to that lie you just wrote.
Tell yourself who you truly are because only YOU will EVER be able to say you are… and don’t be saying “but I AM weak” because your still alive and haven’t fully given up. I’ll be dead as soon as I step into an elevator, I’m only alive because I’m waiting and your alive because you don’t want to kill yourself…
“That’s the only thing I can think off to shut the damn thing up, but I don’t want to commit suicide.”
you said, “I’ve talked to a few choice counselors about it before, and they tell me that its perfectly normal to hear that voice.” I’m very upset about this, next time if you see another counselor let them know how serious you and swear at them if you have to.
Please keep your mind as strong as can be, I have a theory, just a theory, that maybe the more negative and depressed you feel keeps the voice coming, so be strong because you are and maybe the voice will learn it can’t hurt you anymore.
As far as I know MyChoice, Im the most positive person when it comes to suicide. I keep telling myself i’ll be fine, I can handle it. But its not so simple as telling yourself, you have to actually do it. I can’t just stop being depressed, I wish I could, I wish I could just be happy, tell myself that I’m a worthwhile person and I deserve to be here, but when I do I don’t believe it. I know that I have a lot of talents that I could make a career out, but I have to live first, I have to get through what my mother and doctors call a “rough patch”. That makes me laugh, “This is just a rough patch Violet, you’ll get through this”. My mother is clueless, she don’t understand, she doesn’t want too, she wants nothing to do with me or my disease.
Whatever, the voice can come all it wants, I’ll be here waiting for it.
77evergone77: Well, I could do a lot of things, or so I’m told by my teachers. “You could do so many things with your life Violet, all you have to do is pick one”.
Picking something is easy I suppose, I mean I know what I want to do specifically, but its weird knowing theres so many other things I could do. I could be an engineer, a computer analyst, a scientist, a botanist, a criminologist (which is what I want to be), a teacher, a NASA worker. So many things and only one choice. Good thing I’m pro at picking one thing or I’d never figure out what to do.
I know exactly what you mean and I can’t help with that, sorry, because I’m the same way: planning is easy but when it’s building time all the tools disappear, the motivation.
I’m similar but I also have difficulty deciding. I’m painfully indecisive. Right now imsupposed to be writing about what I want to be when I grow up but I havnt really thought too much about my future or if I’ll have one.
I think thats exactly what I would write about. Who says any of us are going to grow up? We don’t know, we’re not sure, that’s why we are here isn’t it? I’ve thought about it, and the more I think about it the more I feel like I just don’t want to deal with having a life. I know it sounds somewhat stupid, but my brain works in weird ways, so Ive come up with a lot of different sayings for myself that dont make sense. Anyway, I wouldn’t worry too much about the future right now, the future is just so stressing, it’s easier to take things day by day and just see where things go.
Yeah. I just decided to just write that I am ‘undecided as to what I plan to do as a future occupation’. Haha. It worked. Remember that cancer poem I wrote? Well shortly after I edits out the suicidal parts and entered it into a poetry contest. It lost. To my best friend poem. My best friend who happens to be perfect and still cuts. Who wrote a love poem about her new boyfriend. Ironic right? A loss poem about an old bf who’s gone looses to a love poem about a new bf who just entered my life.(as a begrudging/regretful aquaintance(different story.