Dark Thing: Hello Violet.
Me: Go away, I know why you’re here.
Dark Thing: No one’s home Violet and theres so much glass on the floor…
Me: I am going to clean up the glass and throw it away now
Dark Thing: Don’t do anything rash now Violet.
Me: What you’re asking me do is rash.
Dark Thing: Oh Violet…
Me: Stop saying my name
Dark Thing: Does that bother you…Violet?
Me: Go away, I’m not going to talk back.
Dark Thing: Yes you are. Pretty little Violet with lips that taste like cherry pie…
Me: STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dark Thing: I’m not going to stop, Violet.
Me: Yes, you are!
Dark Thing: Hush Violet, just do what I’m telling you to do. Pick up the glass shard.
Me: No.
Dark Thing: Violet…
Me: I’m not picking it up, so you might as well just go away now.
Dark Thing: You’ll pick it up. Don’t you want to feel the cold glass against your skin, feel the blood rush out of that wound like a wave? Feel your eyes roll back into your head like your going to black out?
Me: NO.
Dark Thing: I know you don’t mean that, Violet.
Me: I’m not your play thing, you can’t tell me what to do.
Dark Thing: Yes I can, I’ve been doing it for 8 years, no need to stop now.
Me: Yes there is, I’m not listening anymore
Dark Thing: Come on Violet, be a good girl for me
Me: I am a good girl, which is why I’m not listening to you anymore
Dark Thing: Pick up the glass, Violet!!!
Me: No!!!
Dark Thing: *sigh* Violet, pick up the glass…Please.
Me: Don’t say please, just don’t say it.
Dark Thing: Violet, I’m asking you nicely now, pick up the shard of glass.
Me: *crying, crumpled up on the kitchen floor* Look, I’m bleeding, alright? Theres blood on my hands, ok? Please, just go away.
Dark Thing: Thank you
6 comments
I read this and your last ‘Dark Thing’ post.
I can appreciate your writing entirely, because in neither do you put up much of a fight against it. I hardly do anymore. It’s just so much easier to cut yourself and hate it afterwards than to feel the sensation inside you that you just NEED to do something, or else go crazy.
Thats exactly how it is. I dont want to cut, I mean ppl always say how teens only do it for attention, but its really not the case most of the time. Most of the time its because we want to feel something other then the emotional turmoil we go through every single second of the day. It seems to go away when you cut, like all that pain u were just in inside ur head has been replaced by a physical pain, and somehow its better then feeling like ur just fighting a depressing battle in ur head that you know ur not going to win. I dont understand it, I just know I hate feeling like Im not a good person because of the cutting, but then again it feels to good to stop.
‘it feels too good to stop’ as usual you somhow voice my opinion on things. I too cut and don’t enjoy it. My self injury problems have caused many many other problems that I’m not sure will ever be solved. I wish I could go back to the facade I once had in my house. But it’s gone. And I’m
done fighting. Especially sence one slice could be the one that takes me the gates of heaven, the doors of hell, the limboness (not a real word) of purgatory or whatever comes after death. Cutting helps me say that i’m done with emotions. I even once wrote it across my hip. The scar is still there. 🙁
cutting is not an attention seeking methood. It’s a lot of things and even a
way of expression. But not a cry for attention.
‘cutting is not an attention seeking methood. It’s a lot of things and even a
way of expression. But not a cry for attention’
I do hate how so many people believe that it is, though. And then it’s hard to explain that it’s not. Sometimes I do wonder why I do it, but I find it useful for distracting me from my OCPD tendancies.
Not a lot of people that I know, know that I cut myself. And too, I do hardly go out, but it’s suprising that when I do and we meet up with some people whom everyone else seems to know, how quickly mocking cutting comes up. I just tend to sit there and smile along with it… standing up and yelling, ‘SHUT UP AND LOOK AT MY ARM!’ is never going to win me more friends, ha ha. But the general consensus does appear to misunderstand cutting, and it’s hard to change that because I do feel embarassed about it, and often consider whether they might actually be right.
Anna, dont you see if that if your not telling anyone about the cutting or standing up and talking about it, then its not a cry for attention? Honestly, most ppl hide their scars just so no one will ask them about them, or even just ask them whats wrong. Cutting IS NOT a cry for attention, its a way to get ur feelings out. Ppl who cut obviously have some emotional pain buried deep inside them that they feel they cant face, so to help ease the pain a little they cut. It distracts you, it makes you feel something other then just the emotional pain that you keep resting at bay. i figure, if the emotional pain goes away, so will the need to cut
Everything you’ve all said about cutting definitely rings true in my ears. I did it for years and not once did I ever flaunt my scars or cuts off for attention. In fact, I was ashamed and hid them, especially while they were still fresh. I did it for an escape from the emotional pain I felt at the time.
As someone who has quit doing it, restarted, then quit again, I think I have the right to compare cutting to a substance abuse, like being an alcoholic or a drug addict. After I ceased cutting, the familiar twinge to do it always entered my mind when I was going through some emotional trauma or depression. It has always remained in the back of my head to do when the times got tough. I think that it will remain there the rest of my life, just like an alcoholic who always longs for that one last drink., even after years of quitting the bottle. It’s just something that I had grown accustomed to, like you guys.
But I am here to say that it is compatible. You can fight it. It’s not easy at first, but as time goes on, you find new ways to deal with the depression, the anger, and the loneliness, other than just turning to cutting for the release. I’m sure you’ve all tried to stop, probably numerous times, but I urge you to try it again, and this time give it your all. Use all the discipline you have, because if I can do it, I have faith that anyone else who puts their mind to it can.
Good luck, everyone.