Teachers think they know everything, but they don’t.
Chemistry is the dullest class ever, especially when my teacher Mrs. Krud (yes, that’s her real name) drones on and on about carbon solutions and blah, blah, blah.
I’m usually lost by the time she says the word “Today” at the very beginning of cass.
It’s easier to daydream, most of the time it’s about pickign up a two-by-four and shooting up Mrs. Krud’s classroom. I don’t have many violent thoughts when it comes to other people, but Mrs. Krud is the devil reincarnated, how a man ever came to marry her is beyond me.
“Violet, do you know the answer?” I wasn’t paying attention today, which is why she chose me to annihilate.
It’s not that I don’t care about Chemistry, I’m actually quite good at it and get all A’s on everything in there, I think I just baffle the hell out of Mrs. Krud, she thinks If I was failing and not paying attention, I’d be a lot more fun to torment.
“Answer to what?” I blink, jerking my head in her direction.
Now I’m screwed, here comes the smoke billowing out of Krud’s ears like someone just put out a fire.
“Is life pointless?”
I don’t know why we are talking about this today, I’ve missed the whole lecture, but I can tell Krud is already aware of this by the devilish grin on her face.
I turn my head away, beginning to day dream again.
Is life pointless? Yes. No. Maybe so.
 Pointless: meaningless, unproductive, futile.
Yeah, I’d say that just about sums up life.
Life is meaningless. You can’t put on a meaning on it because then you have to live up to that meaning, and you can’t, because Life isn’t something you live up too, it’s just something you do, or don’t do.
Life is unproductive. I could squander an hour sitting on the coach watching movies and television and eating popcorn all day, but I’m still living. We are all unproductive, which means life itself is also.
Life is futile. Why live when you could be dead forever? You can’t live forever, not yet anyway, so it’s pointless to try, pointless to think, pointless to keep on going.
Pointless, pointless, pointless.
“Well Ms. Blake, I’m looking for an answer”, Mrs. Krud stood at the front of the room, hands placed on pudgy hips.
The bell rang.
I smiled, “sorry, time’s up”.
24 comments
I can relate to this post. It all started towards the end of my first year in highschool, because I rarely talked throughout ALL of school, so in the end everyday I went to school, sat there in class not talking or working, unless of course I had them real fuckin strict teachers that make you stay back everyday until you finished the assignment, yeah I basically just stood there in school waiting for the last bell to ring… of course I left soon as I got the chance. Why was I like that? look at your basic future: assuming your 16, you got about 4-6 YEARS of school, including university, then you got about 30-40 YEARS of working and then you retire… WHAT A FUCKING WASTE OF LIFE.
“Life is unproductive. I could squander an hour sitting on the coach watching movies and television and eating popcorn all day, but I’m still living. We are all unproductive, which means life itself is also.” that just made me want to do anything I could think of, even killing which I never would, but what if in this life we were just animals, smart animals, but there was no such thing as morals or actions or judgments in death… a lion is a born killer and we are born animal, environment and ultimately planet killers…. if there’s nothing after life then why does everyone follow the shitty tiresome system. I’m glad they do though, I imagine back when there where only tribes, I doubt there where murderers, kidnappers and thieves etc. back then.
(sorry if I didn’t make any sense in this comment, I’ve been up all night from my insomnia)
Actually there were. Tribes fought with tribes kille each other and took from
each other. It’s baisocally human
nature. Which fuking sucks. Sorry I’m
in a bad mood.
Hey keep fantasizing, its true unless you want to be a teacher or chemist, you don’t need this class. Just make sure to pass the test and go on with your life. to the next boring science class.
take care.
@77evergone77: I know what you mean… what I meant to say which I don’t want say, I doubt there where… pedophiles, sex freaks and torturers etc. back then. It’s only like this today because of “looks” “movies” “I gotta lose my virginity” etc. etc. none of that shit existed back then FULLSTOP
ok that didn’t really make sense… I can’t explain.
This whole post has taken a very weird direction… 🙂 haha!
Hah it has. And youdo make sence MyChoise. And I agree. There probably wasn’t rape. There also wasn’t half the silnesses there are today.
I’m sorry violet. How are things going with the voice? Any differance?
Umm, actually it’s increased….BUT, I’ve been…distracting it I guess is a good word. Trying to get it off topic so its harder for it to remember it was trying to make me hurt myself. Hasnt quite worked, but its getting better
Good. As long as you keep it from forcin you
to things you may even be able to turn the tables and “train” it to have more manors hahah.
U told me i should try to train the voice to have more manors? Well no it says please when it asks me to hurt myself and it says thank you when i do what it asks. That whole teach it some manners plan kinda backfired
I dont track it mannors like that, i mean to tru to make it work harder for what it wants. Even if it yells, try joking with it, f
or forcing it to do somthig in return for your slight cooperation. If my advice doesn’t work, I’m really sorry. I’m
not to sure what to do myself, but I’m trying.
if uve read my conversations with the dark thing 2, ull get exactly what i mean by manners. It was absolute torture listening to it.
I did read it. But please and thankyous are not what I mean. I mean to try to controll it or practice distracting it. Talk to it as casually and cooly as you can. I don’t know. Sorry for the crappy advice. I just don’t like to see you sad. 🙁
haha, I dont like to see me sad either 🙂 You know what tho, I am sad all the time. I dont know, I shouldnt be THAT sad. I mean, really? Sometimes I think im just being a ***** with myself like everyone else says I am, but then again I dont. I feel like I have some right to be sad, even if everyone I know says im overreacting and just feeling sorry for myself. But truthfully I do feel sorry for myself, because I dont want to be sad, i dont want to be depressed or suicidal or anything other then happy. But I cant be, because I dont know how.
Do you know how somtimes someone can take a thought right out of your head and say it as their own? You just did that, haha. I often feel like I’m being such a ***** because I don’t think I have a real reason to be sad. And yet I’m still in a state of constant sadness and self-hatred. Just yesterday at school I finally lost it. Right before reccess I grabbed scisors from my teachers desk and went to the bathroom to break my almost 5 month no cutting streak. Then I fell to the floor crying in the middle of sports practice. Trying to hide this is killing me. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be able to be really happy and not have to care who sees my scars or hears my voice. I try to be happy but I can always feel it slipping because, like you, I don’t know HOW to be happy or non chalant.
‘I don’t know HOW to be happy’
Same.
Have you ever gone to school, walked through the hallway, and realized that you have no one you want to, or can, talk to at all? That was me today. Utterly miserable at best.
^Happens every day to me at University. I used to hate it, but now it’s just normal. I really try and revel instead in being separate from everyone else… but too often I just end up feeling bitterly lonely.
This gets cured when I get home, however, and rant endlessly to Vladimir the hamster. Yes, my life is really this fulfilled.
Vladimir the Hamster 🙂 I love it! I want a hamster to tell my problems too! haha lol, first thing im doing is going out and buying myself a hamster! 🙂
Haha. I used to have a hamster. He looked like he was wearing a tux and tie so I called him tuxie. Then he died. All my
pets have died except for my dog. He was supposed to help me and to give me someone to let my emotions out to but as it turns out he has a self injuring problem too and nervous issues. He bites and scratches himself until he bleeds. Very influential. Haha.
But on the other hand it scares me to know that even my fake personality, my act, my whole facade, my veneer is failing. My true emotions are starting to show and, as the weather warms, so do my scars. I don’t want to be tagged as an emo or goth or knife whore (don’t ask haha). I want to be able to go to school and be surrounded by people who at least pretend to care. I can’t be alone again. I don’t want to dwell on my thoughts or memmories or anything else in my head.
‘my true emotions are starting to show and, as the weather warms, so do my scars’
How do you keep taking the words out of my head?! I HATE the summer… but fortunately because of my clothing schedule, I often wear jumpers in the middle of summer. And it is of course particularly uncomfortable, but there is always the added bonus of my skin not being exposed to the sun (I avoid it whenever possible) and also, people cannot see the state of my arm. But sometimes, because of my clothing schedule, it is quite unavoidable… and I am so aware of trying to keep it hidden that I sometimes just walk round with my left arm stapled to my side. Thinking about that… is quite sad, really. But most days it’s difficult to accept what I do to myself. There are always the days that come where I happily think, ‘Fuck it, I don’t care’ but the days after that, I always feel embarrassed… ha ha. I’ve had no breakfast yet and so I appear to be rambling. Excuse me 🙂
‘first thing im doing is going out and buying myself a hamster!’
Vladimir is awesome! He’s a long-haired hamster and lives in a SpongeBob themed cage, over there by the window. I LOVE HIM. That is all 🙂
Dude, my hamster needs a pineapple to live in too! 🙂 haha lol. Honestly, I have seen how ppl react at school to ppl who cut,a and they do tend to freak out and call you a fake, an attention-getter, but those are the ppl who dont care. the people who do care are the ones who will want to helo you stop, who will tell you that ur worthwhile and that u dont need to cut to be feel some happiness. I DO NOT KNOW ANY EMOS OR GOTHS THAT CUT. That is a horrible sterotype, just because they weat dark make up and listen to screamo bands definitely means they must be depressed and cut themselves, right? WRONG!!! Actually, from what ive seen so far, the ones who are actually depressed and cut themselves, are the quet ones that ude never expect.
So true. My friends see me as happy fun bubbly and somtimes even quiet but other times loud and smiling. It was like a slap in the face for the few who found out. They were flat out shooed and one or two were een mad. They told me that I was turning emo and goth an that I should fix myself soon. They brushed off my last cry for help. They dismissed it as just an attitude issue and hormonal crap. I’m pretty close to givin up. I broke my streak today and cut my hip. I don’t remember doing it but I carved “fake” on my hip
too.
On the other hand. You should definately get a pet and a pineapple cage! Try to see if you can get it to wear a crusty crap hat (jk) haha.