I’ve lost everything. I’ve been alone for over 10 years. My life is spent fantasizing about how I wish my life would have been. Sometimes I fantasize about suicide. I tried to sit in the garage with the car running a few years back but kept seeing my parents and niece and nephew and sister in my head. So I would get out of the car and go lay on the couch. I dont see them much anyways, they all have their own lives. I just spend my life here alone with my dogs playing on the computer and watching tv. I have given up any hope of having a normal life. If it werent for my dogs I would think more about suicide. Sometimes when I think about it, I think of my dogs. I guess I’m just to scared to do it. I was raised Catholic and sometimes I still say the prayers but in my mind all of the evidence points to there not having been a single creator, so that makes the decision a little more difficult. I take meds and they help me from feeling suicidal all the time. I’ve been on meds for 10 years now and have tried a whole bunch of them. I recently had my meds adjusted to 90mg of cymbalta. i dont know much about this site, just found it and read a few posts and thought I would let out a little pain. thanks for taking the time to read. My depression is not as bad right now, maybe the meds are working. I still have almost no hope. I just pray for a miracle, but dont believe one is coming.
3 comments
My son committed suicide three weeks ago today. My animals keep me alive. They are such innocents and, if it were not for me and my husband, they would be in a shelter and put to sleep, as we rescued them from gassing shelters. The pain that is left in the wake of suicide is huge! The person escapes the pain..maybe..i dunno..but they spread it to all that loved them and that their lives touched, that is for sure. Your life matters! You are more loved and needed than you know! No one can talk you out of killing yourself..that is for sure, but, as a mother who has had her future taken from her by that act, I can tell you, he did not stop the pain..he blasted it into everyone around them and we have to will ourselves to breathe and go on living ourselves now.
the world works in a weird way, if u let me keep you somehow in company, i would love to, stranger =)
I used to doubt about God ,but he is there….I used to be depressed too and wanted to die but I came to a point where I had to submit to God/Jesus because I had nothing else ,he is our creator ,we belong with him ,thats why when we are apart from him we find ourselves depressed or feeling empty ,trust me…there was nothing in this world that could take my out of my depression ,yes there was distractions but ultimately they still had me feeling empty ,just sincerely give everything to God ,I’ll pray for you.