i have no reason to live

Im hoping this is a forum to discuss why we no longer want to live and not a forum for wanting ppl to talk us out of dying.

I had thought of many reasons of not living today. Unfortunately, i forgot most of them.  It seems i think of stuff, then i forget about them.  I think suicide is a very reasonable course of action to take for ppl like me.  I have no friends and the family i have, that isnt already dead, isnt to concerned with my well being.

   Im not someone who is looking for a cure for my loneliness.  Im not looking for love or happiness.  I just want to die.  There is no one out there for me.  Even if i met someone, i would destroy thier lives.  Im a plague on humanity.  I deserve to be killed. 

   Its very disturbing to know, when i used to watch TV, they would describe serial killers and mass murderers and they would describe me.  Im just a human animal, and i dont want to live in this world.  I wasnt born to live in this manner.  Kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me. 

   Should i stage a fight and show a gun to the police? I think that is a cowardly way to kill ones self.  I think the most honorable way to die, for me, is to accept im nothing in this world, and to clean up after myself so the medical team  has an easy job to do when they find me.

   I used to think that i only needed 3 things in my life, a loving wife a daughter and a good job. 2 out of 3 aint so bad.  Now i work 12 hours a day, come home on friday afternoon, sleep till monday morning, and do it all over again.  I dream of the day when i can work parft-time, so i can sleep most of everyday, not just weekends.  Because when i sleep im not thinking, or a coma wouldnt be so bad either, i could use one of those, stop these horrible memories.