For a long time, I thought I was getting better. I was taking my medication and remembering to breathe and taking it one day at a time – the sense of urgent noise in my skull went away, the paranoia, the suicidal depressions… gone. I had a boyfriend I loved like the day is long. He meant the world to me. I would have walked across hell for him. I met him the semester I crashed, and I got to know him as I was recovering, fell in love with him while I was getting better. He was my emotional keystone. Â He symbolized everything I was trying to be.
And then – nothing. He stopped calling, visiting, texting. It took a week of us being out of touch, and he was off fucking someone else. Every now and then we run into each other say we should talk – I want to talk, even if nothing comes of it, because it’ll help me get some closure on this – but we never do talk and I can’t get over this. I miss him so much. I love him so much. It kills me that I meant so little to him.
And now I’m unravelling again. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. I dread everything. If I was so, so wrong about this – I’m wrong about everything.
4 comments
You are a very delicate person, beautiful inside and I believe out. I remember being where you are. He dumped me, he actually said he can’t feel chemistry anymore and that was it, all he could say.
He was fucking every girl, or maybe everything that moves, and didnt hide it and they could not compare to me in any way.
it did not happen becaause something was wrong with me, but with him. He was, he is and always be a waste of time, a man who cannot hold a relationship,and who is not worth a single tear.
i believe your boyfriend wasnt either, as he is no longer with you, and you are a wonderful person!!! You are a student like me, you cannot let some idiot take your mind away from your studies!!!
Much love xxxxxxx
I’m a guy and have dealt with both of your situations with the girl doing that to me. I’m currently going through something like everwaiting. Everything was great for several months then the communication suddenly stopped and she doesn’t reply to me anymore. I agree she’s not worth it but I just don’t understand. I refuse to try to contact her anymore. 3 tries with no response and it’s been 2 months.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. and to all of us. It’s not fair that we throw our love out so whole heartedly to be stepped on. Hang in there girl, I know it’s hard to build back up, especially after doing it once already, but I know you can. This is just another obstacle in life, and it doesn’t have to be your last. If anything, show him how much stronger you can be. The better person you will be for it. You’ll be better off without someone like him anyway. It makes me disgusted to be a guy knowing so many of them do so many horrendous things. I am sorry this has happened to you, me, and so many others. Hang in there….It’ll get better, for all of us, won’t it?
I hope i’ve helped.
Peace, love.
Vincent
“Elizabeth” did the same thing to me. Dated three years, then silence for the next two. I know nothing hurts worse. It takes time…
Good luck,
We’re all rooting for ya!!
I understand what all of ya’ll are talking about. The love of my life is gone to prison. Cause he almost killed me, said he loved me “to death”. I miss him so much. I should have listened to him and not went and met this other guy to let him down easy, and make peace with him. He’s in there passed out on alcohol and methadone, no telling what else. He don’t know who he’s fucking with, he’s starting to be more aggressive and bossy towards me. Telling me what I’m gonna do, uh-uh. He says he loves me and he’s the only one who ever has, does now, and ever will. That he knows me better than I know myself, he don’t even know my favorite cartoon, he has no interest in anything I have to say. I need conversation. I’m so lonely. But every night it’s the same thing he’s drunk, he verbally abuses me, and then denies it the next day. He brings me down. I’m already rock bottom. He reminds me of Eeyore, and I actually like Eeyore. I wish I had love and I were in love and the feeling was mutual with somebody…. that’s when I don’t thing about suicide is when I’m in love and the love is returned. I’m waiting…