I want to strangle her. That’s how angry she makes me. Slowly suffocate her and unable the air to reach her lungs.I know I should think killing your own sister is wrong, but right now (and many, many times before) nothing made more sense.
That manipulative, fight causing, egocentric whore.
Once again today she had been taunting me nonstop. Not speaking a word to me unless it is to offense me or accuse me of things I didnt do.
Things she did.
Slut.
I refuse to cry. Even though I feel those annoying pricks that state presence of an upcoming waterfall. Crying is he sign of weakness. And besides that she just plain doesnt desurve it. Id prefer to scream and punch something. Rip something apart.
Preferably her.
My family would have been so much better if she hadnt been born. Three is the charm? Fuck that.
Two is much better. Who needs a third child anyway. Wait, no. Who would want her as a third child. Or as a child at all.
Even now, as I write this, I can hear her spreading lies about me to our mom. Again. That deceiving snake.
Sometimes I think about ending it all. Appearently I am worthless and I have to admit I start believing it. Why am I here anyway, its not like anyone would miss me if I werent here. Yeah, surely my sister would miss having someone around to blame, use and lose all her agression on. Maybe my mom would miss me in the beginning but she will forget me in the end. Just like my brother and father.
Im not emo. I dont cut or anything, and this is not a scream for attention. I hope to be helped here, to be finally understood by someone. Try hearing nothing but mean comments directed at you all day. Ugh, its so much worse than I can tell, I dont know how to express myself with words, especially in a foreign language. Only through the piano but my parents sold it. Yay.
I wonder what will happen if I do end it. Im not expecting much. And I probably dont have the guts to do it anyway. I really am worthless.
Even this entry sucks.
-A hopeless 16 years old girl named Emma.
4 comments
As the oldest of 4 children in my family (and a parent now) I often felt like screaming my head off and ripping my siblings apart. My brothers and I fought constantly all the time….one brother is only 14 mos younger than I and we fought all the time….. ruthless physical fights. I pushed him down a flight of stairs and he tried breaking a wall with my head…..HORRBILE THINGS!
we are much older now, and he annoys me still and Im in my 30’s. my sister is quite a bit younger than I and there isn’t much she does that I DO like. Living at home with all of them ( and often being the one who took care of them from time they were babies since my mom and step dad worked) I want to justrun away.
I see my children fighting now, they are young, and they hate each other at times and other times love each other…. I know that it DOES pass… I know that when everyone matures and everyone is on their own it is 100% better…. and that is from experience!
I was working at a young age, my momther and step father said if I needed anything from shampoo to food, I needed to pay for it. That is a lot of presure on a 13 yr old. They handed everything on a silver platter to the other 3 kids, but no tme. I was always the one at the grunt end of things. Now I am a parent , with a stable family life, and they all (including my mother, the step father is no longer in the picture thank god, I hated him) and they ALL turn to me, for guidance, help, comfort. It gets better, it really does.
You are not worthless at all. This will be a hard time for you but I encourage you not to end it. Someday you will have your own life, and whether you include all of them or not, is up to you. But there is so much more out there than what you are dealing with and you can change it and be an individual.
I too play the piano- music is a way to get out frustration.. The harder and faster you play- the louder and more meaningfull the music becomes. I encourage you to keep playing ( my piano recently bit the dust- the only pass down from my gma I had) find a way- it helps!
I feel the same way about my sister. It’s really frustrating. On top of that, theres always a comparison between her and I, which is frustrating as well. How close are you two in age?
Have you ever thought about how she felt? How she goes through things? It may be hard to do that, but. You should put yourself in her shoes.
She may be rude to you, she may say things that hurt you. And she has no right to do that to you.
You are NOT worthless. You have so much coming for you. Just because your sister tries to get you down, doesn’t mean you have to take it. I don’t know how old she is, or what she does/says to you, but. You don’t have to take it.
I don’t know what you’re going through, I don’t have a sister, but. I do have three brothers. Two older and one younger. It’s hard.
But, just don’t let your sister get to you. You have so much potential. You have a future, don’t take that away from yourself. You can change things. You just have to step up, and take the first step.
I’m praying for you<3 (: