A day that changed my life

My name is mark, this is my story, i had to goto work early on a saturday monring, and my fiance of five years had the weekend off and wanted to drink. Since she wanted to drink i asked her to not invite alot of people, and dont spend much on beer, so she agreed. When i woke up in the moring our apartment was trashed, and she was passed out on the couch, so i just went to work. When i had returned from work i had questioned her about it and she got mad at me and got up and left, its like her if we fight to walk around the neighborhood, but after 5 hours i got worried. I had started calling her and her family, nobody knew where she was or if she was okay, so im gettin stressed out,. So sunday rolls around and still no sign, i didnt get any sleep at all so im stressed and tired, and i call the police and file a missing persons report. Sunday goes on at a snails pace, that night i tried to sleep but just couldnt. She had to work monday so i thought it would be nice to take some stuff to her job for her when i get to her job in the morning she texted me and said im at home come unlock it i need my stuff. So thinking it was over i run home just to see her in a hoodie that she didnt own, and hickys all over her neck. I opened the door we went in and i asked her if she was okay she said “yes but dont talk to me or touch me”. Then she hit me with the worst lines ever, she said ” mark i dont love you anymore i dont care about you anymore and the past 5 years i didnt care about you at all, and i hope to read about you in the obituaries and find out how you died”. That crushed me, with no sleep and very depressed and stressed it hit me hard. Right after she left to goto work i then turnt my attition on myself i blamed myself for it all, i bashed out every picture of me and her off our walls, and tore my knuckles all up with glass. Then i grabbed a whole bottle of 90 proof rum and just drank all of it within minutes, then i went onto my computer and put my facebook status as “im drunk with a knife”. then listened to depressing music. When the rum kicked in i grabbed a knife,and cut my wrists,and arms, repeditly. About ten mins into bleeding everywhere my friend who had read my facebook status started pounding on my door to see if i was okay. When i finally answered the door she was standing there in shock of what happened to me. She was afraid of blood so she called another one of our friends and she can to get me and took me to her house and she wrapped my arms up with towels. from there she took me to the emergency room, where they finished bandaging me up. the gave me a evaluation and said i have no history of it so they will release me. I go home and end up running into her again, my ex fiance of 5 years, and once again i get crushed. I went into our apartment and procceded to grab a knife, i put it to my arm, Took a deep breath and threw the knife on the counter. I called the evaluator from the hospital and told her what happened and asked her for her advice and she said come back and admit yourself to the phyciatric ward. So that night i went back. Looking back now 5 years of love would not have been worth my family greaving and upset over my death. Im now doing better im seeing a mental health doctor now he helps me with alot. I have learnt that death is not the only way out of pain and depression, and having my friends support through it all has helped me so much the people that care about you really do. In a way i think it was my friend who saved my life, and in a way i think i decided that life will get better and its not worth it. Thats my story, i hope someone will read it and relize they are not the only people who go through ups and downs and that IT CAN GET BETTER. Thank you for reading my story and im happy to say that i did survive suicide.