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Coping SkillsGeneral

Feeling lost

by Icy_Dawn
written by Icy_Dawn

Ok so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years and some change. I have not been the best boyfriend but I got myself together and made huge changes that I knew I needed to make. So last week I scroll through and see that she is in another relationship with another guy. I felt so much anger and sadness. It was a pain that I couldn’t describe but I wanted it to go away.

It hurts more because due to certain circumstances we were at her parents house and now its just me. She comes back and we cuddle and she says she loves me and I told her I’m going to fight for her. I know I led her on this path but it hurts when she leaves. It also hurts when its also Valentine’s Day season…….Idk. I have no one to talk to. I’m just lost.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsI Will SurviveRantsStories of HopeStories of Loss

1115 Days…

by JCITM
written by JCITM

One thousand, one hundred and fifteen days have gone by since we discovered you were no longer a part of this universe, our universe.  It has gotten easier to process but it’s still not easy. The shock of it never ceases. It is still surreal. How can I summarize in words the cluster of pain we feel everyday given your absence?  Let’s see. The reality that you are missing and missed our daughter and son’s 16th birthdays, his phenomenal culinary skills, his dream of becoming a chef and his fascination with living in Japan someday, our daughter’s early high school graduation, 18th birthday, first year of college and her being on the honor roll with a 3.81 GPA and her extraordinary producing and deejaying talents, is saddening.  The reality that you will not be present for other monumental moments in their lives such as college graduations, weddings, births is even more heartbreaking. The thought that our beautiful daughter and handsome son haven’t had a male role model since you left, causes tears to well in my eyes almost every single day. When our son comes to me asking questions only a man can authentically answer, I do my best to fill your shoes but I shouldn’t have to.  When our daughter tells me that a young man she’s dating reminds her of you in the way he protects her, it’s bittersweet. Bitter for obvious reasons and sweet because she at least has someone who, for that moment, is a positive reminder of you. You left us to pick up a million shattered pieces.  You left me to raise two human beings that we created together, on my own and it hasn’t always been a breathtakingly gorgeous emotional walk in the park.  There have been and will be countless nights I shut myself in and weep silently in my pillow so not to cast any more of a crushing burden on our children.  Why couldn’t you have been strong enough to pull through the rough times? Why couldn’t you have in the darkest of hours, seen their four impressionable eyes staring back at you, counting on you to be the protector as you’d always been?  Where did the tragic turn in the journey begin and ultimately end? Why did you let go of this thing called life?  Was there something I could have done or, anyone for that matter, to change your mind? Is it unfair of me to call you weak, curse your ashes and regret the day I met you? Absolutely because obviously, you felt an indescribable hopelessness in which I simply cannot fathom. This tragedy has taught me, albeit a process, not to project so much but to lead with compassion, understanding and empathy.  One never knows how rough someone’s terrain is until they too walk on that very terrain in that someone’s shoes. Just because there’s a smile on someone’s face doesn’t always mean their spirit shares that very sentiment.  Who am I to judge you? Will I still have my moments of anger, sadness, confusion and a whole bunch of feelings and emotions I sometimes choose not to control just so I can allow myself to feel organically, versus distract myself and become numb? The answer is a resounding yes. I’m human and I’ll always wish you were here to see our babies, who are now young adults.  Watching them triumphantly maneuver through this cold world we live carrying the legacy of you not being here on their backs, assures me they are resilient and in time, they will be just fine.  They are truly champions and my hero and heroine. I cannot help but acknowledge and credit you though for most of what you instilled in them during the brief time you had in their world, which contributed to the stand up and strong human beings that they are. Thank you for that because outside of God’s love, those very attributes are the things that have enabled them to keep moving forward and upward, even when the light is so dim at the end of the tunnel.  Not a day goes by in which we don’t share a story and/or a laugh about you and despite it all, you are terribly missed.  I know that it will never be easy but each day, it will get easier.  Continue to rest in peace.   

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Chronic PainRants

I want the pain to stop. Here is my story.

by NiceGuy2001
written by NiceGuy2001

I just

want

the pain

to stop.

My friend A_____ turned 50 last year. I organized a nice little birthday gathering for him, which was especially meaningful for everyone since he’s battling mantle cell lymphoma (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantle_cell_lymphoma), and optimistically has another five years to live.

I’ve known A_____ for at least five years. I certainly considered him a friend before his cancer diagnosis several years ago, and as soon as I knew what he was facing, I promised myself that whatever support he needed, I would always be there for him.

We’ve always had a very easygoing, normal friendship. He has always treated me with nothing but kindness and respect. We’ve always had a great time playing backgammon together, laughing and ragging on each other in a good-natured way. He trusted me enough to go down to Tennessee with me for the big solar eclipse back in 2017, even when he know we’d be sharing the same motel bed (I had made the reservation a year earlier), which I’m sure was no small thing for him.

And YES, he is a perfectly normal, well-adjusted, relentlessly heterosexual guy. He is as Straight as a two-by-four, as we say. So imagine how horrified I was when I realized I had fallen in love with him.

It was one night in February of 2018, down at the little dive where we play backgammon. On this particular evening it was pretty crowded, and I was seated at a table with some friends of mine. At one point I spotted A_____ up near the bar talking with some other people, and he was laughing and gabbing and carrying on as he does. And I sat there, watching him, listening to his voice from across the room …. and suddenly I realized that as I was watching him and listening to him, I was slowly stroking the beard on my chin.

And I CAUGHT myself doing that, and I thought, “Whoa whoa WHOA, what are you doing? Stop that! What the fuck? Don’t even GO there, ha ha!”

But suddenly I was very alarmed at how I would be watching A_____ like that. And when I started thinking about it and examining my feelings, it began to dawn on me that I had been thinking about A_____. A lot.

And that’s when I really , really started to PANIC.

As soon as I got home, I got online and started furiously Googling words and phrases and questions, and cross-referencing things in a desperate effort to find a website or a chat room or a discussion group where someone could give me some advice, because if I didn’t nip this thing in the bud, I was doomed. I was thinking, “I can’t believe this had to happen to ME! I don’t WANT this! I don’t NEED this! What do I do? What do I DO????”

Eventually I made contact with people who knew what I was going through. None of the answers were good. Some people said, “Look, just hang in there, you’ll eventually get over it.” Others said it was best for me to stay as far away from A_____ as possible. But how could I abandon my friend? HE’S the one with CANCER!

So panic gave way to pain. And the pain eventually gave way to deep, deep despair.

Even worse is that over the past year I have learned something very ugly about myself: My capacity for JEALOUSY. I’ve never had to deal with jealousy until the past year. And I HATE it. It’s NOT who I’m supposed to be!

I have always striven to be a kinder person, the best friend anyone could ever have, so that when it’s my time to go, at least I’ll be well spoken of and well remembered. I think that’s all any of us could ever ask for. And I was at peace with that, even if I finished out the rest of my life alone and unloved.

But when THIS happened, sixteen months ago, that peace of mind I had achieved was fucked all to hell.

Sixteen months of despair. Some days have been better than others. But every time the despair hits me particularly hard, it wears me down just a little bit more. And now I’m at a point where there’s nothing left to wear down.

A_____ did nothing wrong. I have done nothing wrong. The only thing I’m guilty of is having a heart, and no one ever said the human heart was logical.

I just

want

the pain

to stop.

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Rants

Emotions suck

by mina711
written by mina711

I’ve been looking for ways to numb myself. I get absolutely nowhere. It’s not fair, I just wanna be numb. I don’t wanna make an effort to even feel better anymore. I just wanna stop feeling emotion.

I hate being brokenhearted over my ex. I hate being stressed about going off to college. I hate that painful lump in my throat I get from crying. I hate the cold sweat I break into when I’m anxious. I hate the fire that burns in my heart. I want to be dormant and freeze my heart up for good.

I want to die, but I fear the afterlife. My best bet is to stop feeling anything altogether.

Today is the day I’m going to stop feeling. After submitting this entry, I am going to wipe my eyes, stiffen my lips, and turn off the sad music. My emotions are going to die today, not me.

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General

I hurt too much to cry

by Mimo
written by Mimo

I’m unsure as to what to feel.

Whether that’d be to cry or to hold my chest in shear pain.

I lay in bed and hurt, as my memories flood in and take over.

You said you wouldn’t know if you’d move on, now simple days like these have me imagining what you’d do with that other person.

You said that no, it wasn’t my fault, that you were the one needed fixing.

Then why can’t you wait, why are you telling me not go wait for you.

I feel as if every time I love they become painful memories I live with, but what’s to life without love?

I don’t know what I’ll do if you move on, that’s what I’m most scared of.

I just want to forget everything.

For all my love given was never enough..

From now I just hope for the world to finally give me what I always truly wanted.

 

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General

For I’ve returned, with less pain

by Mimo
written by Mimo

To have been broken and fed to hounds,

Restiched and tossed once more. I must find my own paths alone.

For I am too broken to be man,

Too heartbroken to feel winds,

Too thought provoken to be alive.

I question whether I should attempt once more, knowing very well that I’ve failed countless of times, but what else am I supposed to Do?

After all that has happened, just forget?

Pretend that it never occurred.

I believe we suffer longer than others,

I understand you want to better yourself, but in doing that it moved me eleven steps back.

I’ll act happy to win you back, maybe that’ll work.

Because with my thoughts invoked in honesty,

Would mean you’d move from Me,

And if that happened,

Perhaps all of my attempts were to lead to a final one,

And I’ll be sure to let you know,

That severing someone’s heart that’s been utterly crushed,

Results in voids of hollow,

Without you I am nothing but a hollowed tree,

But I’ll wait,

I’ll wait for you to come back to store your nuts safely,

I’m always warm for You,

I just really hope you can see it,

Please,

Come back.

 

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Paul Durcan – Thinking About Suicide

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Although I may never commit suicide

I spend parts of each day thinking about suicide –

Thinking about how I lack the courage to do it.

–

I wake in the mourning with 60 per cent depression.

That’s how it remains for the whole day,

Except for the odd occasion in a year

–

In the doorway or on the street I meet by chance

For a few minutes a woman passing-by

Who has the time to stop and talk for three minutes

–

Or five minutes or even sometimes seven or eight minutes,

Who rocks back on her heels in her pink, hooped skirt

With laughter, no matter what the topic.

–

Depression and despair are two different states

Of mind, not having a lot in common.

Although I have 60 per cent depression, I do not despair.

–

I do not see eye to eye with Samuel Beckett

Who disapproved of suicide and who promulgated

The doctrine of ”going on” for the sake of ”going on”.

–

Estranged from my family, if I do not soon

Take my own life, others will take it from me –

Hooded males with knives in their tracksuits

–

Or medics in their scrubs prancing corridors

Or cowpat-faced ward sisters smirking

Or ice-cold proprietors of old peoples’s homes.

–

How is it that you do not see it, Samuel,

That I do not want to go on for the sake of going on –

Seeing the same old, tired-out impressionist paintings again and again?

–

Men are such po-faced bores.

Each one of them an editor-in-chief.

I wand to stand still by the water’s edge.

–

I want to hold a woman’s hand for the last time.

I want to fill my pockets with Palaeozoic stones.

I want to open my eyes.

 

From the collection Praise In Which I Live And Move And Have My Being (2012).

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GeneralPoetry & Art

Leonard Cohen – Dress Rehearsal Rag

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Lyrics:

Four o’clock in the afternoon and I didn’t feel like very much

I said to myself, ”Where are you golden boy? Where is your famous golden touch?”

I thought you knew where all of the elephants lie down

I thought you were the crown prince of all the wheels in Ivory town

Just take a look at your body now, there’s nothing much to save

And a bitter voice in the mirror cries, ”Hey, prince, you need a shave”

Now if you can manage to get your trembling fingers to behave

Why don’t you try unwrapping a stainless steel razor blade?

That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

There’s no hot water and the cold is running thin

Well, what do you expect from the kind of places you’ve been living in?

Don’t drink from that cup, it’s all caked and and cracked along the rim

That’s not the electric light, my friend, that is your vision growing dim

Cover up your face with soap, there, now you’re Santa Claus

And you’ve got a gift for anyone who will give you his applause

I thought you were a racing man, but you couldn’t take the pace

That’s a funeral in the mirror and it’s stopping at your face

That’s right, it’s come to this… Yes, it’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

Once there was a path and a girl with chestnut hair

And you passed the summers picking all of the berries that grew there

There were times she was a woman, there were times she was just a child

And you held her in the shadows, where the raspberries grow wild

And you climbed the twilight mountains and you sang about the view

And everywhere that you wandered, love seemed to go along with you

That’s a hard one to remember, yes, it makes you clench your fist

And then the veins stand out like highways, all along your wrist

And yes, it’s come to this… It’s come to this…

And wasn’t it a long way down… Wasn’t it a strange way down…

–

You can still find a job, go out and talk to a friend

On the back of every magazine, there are those coupons you can send

Why don’t you join the Rosicrucians? They will give you back your hope…

You can find your love with diagrams on a plain brown envelope

But you’ve used up all your coupons, except the one that seems

To be written on your wrist, along with several thousand dreams

Now Santa Claus comes forward, that’s a razor in his mitt

And he puts on his dark glasses and he shows you where to hit

And then the cameras pan, the stand-in stuntman

Dress rehearsal rag… It’s just the dress rehearsal rag…

You know, this dress rehearsal rag… It’s just a dress rehearsal rag…

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General

To Xnoir and basically anyone who wants to chat…

by Taf Taf
written by Taf Taf

Xnoir, I saw your comment.Here’s my e-mail: TafTafAttica@gmail.com . And if anyone who wants to send something to me or have a talk,mail me [please,don’t send me any viruses 🙂 ].

Also,if you want to chat,I have a Telegram account (for those who don’t know,Telegram is an app that you can install on your PC or your phone).My address is: @Taf_T .

Mind you,I live in Greece,so if you want us to have a chat,you should consider the time zone difference that we might have.

To flutterby: I saw your mail and thank you for sending it.I’ve been very busy lately,that’s why I haven’t answered to you.But,thanks again for communicating with me.

And to Agnostos x: an thes na miliseis me kapoion,steile re sy ena mynhma.Ksero pws einai na thes na peis osa thes se kapoion kai (xvris na thelw na evloghsw ta genia mou) pistevw pws eimai kalos akroatis.An thes voitheia se kati,mhn ntrepesai,pes to mou kai an mporw na se voithisw,tha to kanw.

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Chronic PainCoping SkillsGeneral

Lost needing advice

by Username101
written by Username101

I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head.  I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I stand, what I should do? Extra information: 22 yr old female, rough past, burned every bridge possible, no desire to become someone or something.

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Family & Friends EffectsGeneral

The last one

by mo992
written by mo992

Why has it gotten to this point? I have waited so long but the last one is broken.

The last one has spoken words to me that verify my twisted thoughts.

My presence causes pain and suffering. It has caused this one even more than it has myself.

Why has it gotten to this point?

Is it my fault? I believe it is, but the voice within says it could be my doing and that of my existence as well.

I wish I could bring good news, I truly do, but I hold only sorrow.

Perhaps one day there will be good news.

I have not hoped for this to occur but it can’t be help. What can I do to change this? Nothing? Really?

One day, I say to myself, one day it will all be over.

One day I shall close my eyes in death and it will all be over.

I shall shut my eyes and I shall feed the earth.

Flowers and trees shall grow from my ashes.

That day, I shall finally be doing good to the earth.

This I promise you.

Do not worry for me but know this, in you I see hope and much more to give to the world.

Carry on, life may not be fair but you can survive. You have definitely survived this much

 

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General

Empty

by mo992
written by mo992

Empty is how I feel. Not empty in the sense of nothingness. I wish it was nothingness. It’s that empty that hurts. Like a flesh eating worm, it hurts.
It’s hard to put in words this feeling of mine.
I struggle to comprehend many feeling this way.
This terrible feeling goes beyond my gut. It crawls through my every being, like maggots on an open wound.
For over 12 years I have known this feeling. Sometimes this feeling reseeds into the background. Loo it is always there. Feeding, growing, waiting.
It waits for me to see hope, the swiftly drags me down again.
It knows my name, it knows my shame, it closes me off to a world without which I continue to survive.
I cannot describe it as you would a physical pain without it actually causing me physical pain.
The best way to describe it truly is EMPTY.

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !

by niki
written by niki

Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.

Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.

I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:

1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in Education). For a truly real progress, we must start to focus on much more important things. Try look up/google for Universal Basic Income (UBI), as well as Resource Based Economy (RBE), The Venus Project, & The Zeitgeist Movement, for starter.

2) We must seriously consider that there is a possibility that Humanity / Mankind will go extinct / extinction. Most probably caused by our own Ignorance & Stupidity, as well as Greed. Therefore, we must prepare for the worst possible scenario, and one best solution is to start building a system of selection for the best few candidates of Humanity / Mankind (10% of the planet’s population, for example), whom will continue the future of our Humans Species in the best, smartest, most intelligent, rational, logical, most creative, wisest, & most civilized as possible.

3) Finally, we must unleash our Human’s greatest & most important potential: Imagination. If reality is boring & very limited/limiting, then the only way for us is to start focusing quickly on how to enter the world of Imagination, and turn it into reality ASAP. Some very important technology that must be quickly developed are: Artificial Intelligence (AI), Virtual Reality (VR), Augmented Reality (AR), biological Mutations, entering our Consciousness into the vast Net, as well as Transhumanism. We must turn the wildest, most imaginative movies & video games for example like science fiction (sci-fi) into reality ASAP, for real progress.

Otherwise, we will be stuck in this boring reality everyday, repeating over and over again, & even it could get worse & worse!

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralRantsStories of Loss

people need people

by iamdarling
written by iamdarling

even though i’m an awkward introvert with social anxiety, i miss people. i miss being around people.

i’ve come to realise i’ve never really had a true friend, so, i can’t say i miss having friends. i don’t really know what it’s like to have friends. the idea doesn’t appeal to me much anymore. maybe, i miss the idea of them. the idea of a boyfriend is more appealing, which is weird, i know.

the idea of having someone i can expose myself to, and let them truly know me like no one else knows me, is bittersweet to me. it must be so… amazing, to love someone and have them love you back. all of you, all the bits and pieces you choose to expose to them and the bits that they discover themselves anyway. but, i’ve never had that, and it looks like i never will have that, which is the bitter part.

i’m the only person who knows me. who knows me inside out. and, that’s sad to me. if anything ever happened to me, no one would know the real me. i want to have people in my life who deserve to know the real me. i want to have people, or just one person, in my life that we can expose all aspects of ourselves to eachother, that we can love eachother so deeply, that we can rely on eachother no matter what.

i’m not just lonely, i’m alone. i’m so alone, and, i don’t want to be alone anymore. people need people. i need people.

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Family & Friends EffectsStories of Loss

The hotline

by zkolijn
written by zkolijn

A few days ago my fiancé told me that he almost committed suicide. This had torn me down and I thought it was my fault. I wasn’t able to help him because he kept this from me. He kept this from me because he was scared of hurting me.

Since he told me, I have had visions of being at his funeral. I have been an emotional mess. I know it wasn’t my fault but I felt like I failed him. I am so grateful that he was sound enough to call the suicide hotline number before he did.

He told me that I am his reason for living. So if anyone reading this is thinking about suicide, please call the hotline or talk to someone. There is and always will be someone who loves you. Please think about how they would feel and how they would react before you do anything.

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

by niki
written by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & can’t relate with most people anymore.

And I even can already predict in advance, that people will quickly spout out & say boring things like: “if you find Life / reality boring, then maybe it’s you who are boring, not this awesome, beautiful Life / reality.”

Bullshit.

People who said those words are, in my experience, either usually just stupid, naive, ignorant, and/or boring, lacking Imagination & even intelligence / not too smart.

Reality IS boring & depressing. Especially the more you know, learn, & observe it.

Have any of you heard the “Avatar syndrome” ? Google it. It’s basically the post-effects that many people apparently got, after watching the movie “Avatar” (James Cameron). It’s the feeling of depression, because they’re back to reality again, after watching (& experiencing) such magical, cool, awesome, mind-blowing, breath-taking, & beautiful ‘other-worlds’ of Avatar world.

I wish I live in Harry Potter world / universe , I wish Harry Potter was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Final Fantasy world / universe , I wish Final Fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Star Wars world / universe , I wish Star Wars was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Marvel Cinematic Universe , I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU / MCEU) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Avengers world / universe , I wish Avengers was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Lord of The Rings world / universe , I wish Lord of The Rings was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Naruto, One Piece world / universe , I wish Naruto , One Piece was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mass Effect, World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish Mass Effect was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Skyrim world / universe , I wish Skyrim was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish World of Warcraft was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in AOV (Arena of Valor) world / universe , I wish AOV (Arena of Valor) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Kingdom Hearts world / universe , I wish Kingdom Hearts was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mobile Legends world / universe , I wish Mobile Legends was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Ready Player One world / universe , I wish Ready Player One was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in The Matrix world / universe , I wish The Matrix was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in magical / magic world / universe , I wish magic was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in dragons world / universe , I wish dragons was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fairy tales / faeries / fairies world / universe , I wish fairy faeries fairies was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in cyberpunk world / universe , I wish cyberpunk was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fantasy world / universe / I wish fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
etc etc etc

Reality is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real life is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real world is boring & depressing , & very limiting !

Fuck this boring reality ! Fuck this boring real life ! Fuck this boring real world !

I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Augmented Reality (AR) really real & exist, and will progress much faster in those very important technology. Because I believe that Imagination is Humanity / Mankind ‘s most important potential, to turn into reality !

Otherwise, it’s probably better to just die, commit suicide, than to live / survive in this boring depressing life, world, & reality !

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Family & Friends EffectsRants

good god..

by deaddollie
written by deaddollie

i’m developing weird feelings for my friend. I really like him, but I can’t tell if he feels the same..

i’ll leave it for now. nothing good comes of feelings like these, or confessing them.

I just wish I didn’t catch romantic feelings for every person who is nice to me. it’s kinda pathetic.

I just.. guess I’m so starved for love, I latch onto anyone who shows any affection towards me (platonic or otherwise)

I’m tired. I’m so tired. maybe something good will be brought on by tomorrow.

 

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