My first obsession in life was suicide. It still is. I’ve been contemplating and entertaining suicide
for my whole life since age 12. I have a family now with several children. I don’t want them to suffer the pain of losing there dad but sometimes the
pain of my marriage and a past broken heart that will not, no matter what, go away. I think of her EVERY day and know that we will never be together
again and that still drives me to suicidal ideation.
It has taken it’s toll this obsession has. Today was a bad one, an almost in the car. I don’t know why I can’t seem to just be grateful for what I have and get on with it. I am grateful, I just want to die. Sometimes don’t even know why…