I’m a fourteen year old female teen. I hate doctors and counselors and people in general. I have felt depressed, hated, and like a robot- going through life only doing what I think should happen, but not feeling anything- since I can remember. I must fake happiness, and… Well, recently I’ve been asking my only two friends weird questions.
What they would do if I died, killed myself, or was killed.
What I would have to do to make them hate me more than anything else.
Things like that.
I’m so messed up, and used to being lied to- mostly from myself- by being forced to say I’m alright and nothing’s wrong, I can’t admit when I have a problem. I just want to take medication and overdose on a cold, snowy day and wait in a drift until I freeze…
Or drown myself and pretend it was an accident.
I have nearly no friends, and my whole family hates me because I hate them.
I can’t help it. I just hate being around anyone.
Can anyone help me…?
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4 comments
Hey, I get where you’re at. I’m a 15 year old girl who has been struggling with severe depression for a couple years now. Email me/add me to msn if you want to talk tropical_princess8@hotmail.com or you can add me on facebook if you have it. Sarah McNally
Oh honey, try not to be so hard on yourself. Im much older than you are and I can honestly say I don’t know one person I genuinely enjoy being around. I have no friends and I have never had a romance. I am also socially phobic and have severe panic attacks when forced into any situation. Everywhere I go I am unhappy and nervous and forced to interact with people I don’t want to talk to. This is a life of pure loneliness and angst. I decided long ago that if I was gonna make it thru this nonsense I was going to have to stay really busy. Now every single moment of my day is neatly planned. Every social engagement is sidestepped politely and I have a long list of interesting things Im doing all by myself today. Someday you may find a certain peace with yourself and it will be easier to let others share in who you are. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own company.
Sounds just like my life too lately the past years, i feel the same way
as you are, everyone knows i’m very depress & suicidal, i’ve made my
own will out & told them what if i was dead or got killed, or could be
murdered, wishing my life could end, i think about suicide everyday it is part of my sadness that dwells upon me all the time, the fear of living like this, not feeling real, invisible or like a robot, most times i’m out of it-
lost in my own world in another time or space, the future, in the past or
travels to strange countries at night, certainly seems alot better in the dreamworld than here.
Hey im almost the same age as you. If you want a friend and just talk about your problems, ill be happy to listen (:
huyhuy121@aim.com