I have had a plan for a month now. I have the date circled in my diary…and it is coming up soon.
Do I choose to play out this plan? Do I choose to cut my body and overdose? Or do I choose life?
I want my friends to find me…maybe even save me if they get to me in time. I want them to know that I can no longer take been second best. I am so sick of been pushed around, taken advantage of. It’s like my feelings don’t even matter to them. My friends are all I have in this world….without them I am nothing. So when I feel like I’m losing them I panic.
If someone found me they could save me. If someone found me, they might finally know of the pain in which I endure everyday.
But if I do this…and I survive…it means I have to start all over again. I’ll probably lose my job, I’ll be in even more financial ruin, my family will hate me…my friends too.
I just can’t handle reality, I can’t handle the consequences of life.