dont understand why im still here

im really not sure how the pills didnt work. but i know i didnt regret taking them until not long ago. honestly i dont even know why i feel guilty. the people i think would care probably wouldn’t anyway. i’ll probably try again and make another scar on my wrist pretty soon. why shouldnt i? i mean its not like theres a reason to keep going through this. ive been going through i for too long. my family doesnt care about me. they havent in a long time and i doubt they ever will. obviously HE doesnt care about me because if he did he wouldve done something else. right now i still think my friends might care especially the other suicidal one who is pretty much my best friend but when im actually dead she probably wont. because thats the way people are. they lie to help people feel better without realizing how much the people they lied to get hurt when they realize theyve been lied to. so im tryin to decide if i should maybe post one of my other poems on here or something. if i do ill probably do something stupid after that but i think i have to post it so i think i will. well i hope everybody else is better than me but i dont know why you would be. life sucks and theres no way around that. so anyway… ill post my poem in a minute. ill try to anyway but i cant promise because this laptop is really old and for some reason it hates to post things… well im gonna try to post it. bye for now. or maybe for permanent. i don’t know yet but i’ll let you know if i decide to try and kill myself again. hopefully if i do it will actually work this time.