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dont understand why im still here

by oktobresnoe

im really not sure how the pills didnt work. but i know i didnt regret taking them until not long ago. honestly i dont even know why i feel guilty. the people i think would care probably wouldn’t anyway. i’ll probably try again and make another scar on my wrist pretty soon. why shouldnt i? i mean its not like theres a reason to keep going through this. ive been going through i for too long. my family doesnt care about me. they havent in a long time and i doubt they ever will. obviously HE doesnt care about me because if he did he wouldve done something else. right now i still think my friends might care especially the other suicidal one who is pretty much my best friend but when im actually dead she probably wont. because thats the way people are. they lie to help people feel better without realizing how much the people they lied to get hurt when they realize theyve been lied to. so im tryin to decide if i should maybe post one of my other poems on here or something. if i do ill probably do something stupid after that but i think i have to post it so i think i will. well i hope everybody else is better than me but i dont know why you would be. life sucks and theres no way around that. so anyway… ill post my poem in a minute. ill try to anyway but i cant promise because this laptop is really old and for some reason it hates to post things… well im gonna try to post it. bye for now. or maybe for permanent. i don’t know yet but i’ll let you know if i decide to try and kill myself again. hopefully if i do it will actually work this time.

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blood doll suicide hand 11/28/2010 - 6:33 am

thats the truth but fuck the lies at least they care enough to speak. if its all about what they think remember its your death your life not thiers. they live you do. but when you start to rot only the ones in your next life will know of u i feel for you for being enough like me to say i wish you had of been one of the happies that i see but stray from then it mightve been nicer but all i know is your words.spell the word life then youll see death for what it is when you die… leave a will saying your only wish is to have been know after your life. maybe the new ones will relate and there will be the one that couldve swept you off your feet, now suicidal for loosing the one way before the time of his. bye my words to you…. love you for being you. if not my words woulda been cold and heartless.

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