I’ve thought about it for more than a year now. Watching everyone die around me feels like more than I can bare. I’m not living yet I’m not dead either. Why am a still breathin? Whats left when you have lost everything? The people you have loved deeply and your heart feels so broken and cold. Then I look at those kids. I see the pain that it would cause them. They can’t bare to lose anyone else even more then I can can. I could never be that selfish. Thought each day I perfect it even more. And I remember what it feels like to bleed. How all the pain in the world seemed not longer be there. I promised the love of my life I would never do such a thing, but still my love seems so far away. I can’t help, but fear who I am losing next. How much more damage can I take. My life has seemed to be nothing, but a compostion of misery and walk threw the firey hell everyone fears. I can’t seem to find a reason why I would have to go through so much. No one seems to understand and its as if when I need them the most they are no where to be found.
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3 comments
I would have to concur with what you’re saying. Losing everyone before you, yourself, goes, does hurt. It only means their waiting for you when you’re time comes. But don’t go so soon. Life does go on.
What’s the most ‘ironic’ perhaps is of how miniscully small and insignificant this little ‘dust’ called “Me” viewed from the Hubble Telescope thousands of galaxies away, yet,..here I *am* living & breathing and FEELING things so deeply here, at one corner of the Planet, at one country, zoom-in: one city, one neighborhood, one small house,….and one darkened room with lighted computer, typing these ironically insignificant words…yet, might probably be *useful* for you, o another ‘dust’ of this surviving species called Humans.
Tell me about those you have lossed. Share their memory with me please. i would feel honored.
Mrslindseylambert@gmail.com