It’s Christmas the happiest time of the year and I am just sitting in my bed crying. I am upset that I will spend Christmas alone. Why Can’t I handle this why can’t I want this more, I just want to give up. I hate myself. No one loves me and no one ever will. My parents don’t understand me they send my away to a therapist to get me to understand the value of life and how I am supposed to be. The guy who tells me he loves me can’t even make it to my Christmas, because his brother tells him all he does is listen to other people…. So he bails on my Christmas. Than he blames me for getting made at him. I am stressed out about everyone else because no one can handle their own problems. I have to handle them so I have my friends break up and my rocky relationship. And I know I shouldn’t be this upset but it sucks my boyfriend who I love with all my heart who used to be great now can’t give a damn. I already think I am shit person I don’t need his help. I don’t want to feel this way I don’t want to be upset. I want to feel nothing . Just cold and heartless because love isn’t worth it because no one can love me and want me the way I want because I am ridiculous and that will never change.
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4 comments
Welcome to Reality.
But know that there WILL be people who can truly appreciate and even feeling grateful for who you are and your existence on this Earth.
but yes,..you might have to wait, and keep *searching*.
They are out there,..still unknown to you.
And it doesn’t even have to be your closest family or friends or acquintances.
I mean just look at this website and how *understanding* each of us with each other here!…although yes, ‘unfortunately’, we are all separated and scattered across the globe,..but that is a solid enough PROOF that there WILL be people out there who can truly appreciate you for who you are.
it might be a hard journey to ‘find’ them, but trust me that when you’ve find them, you will feel utmost grateful and won’t let him/her go, even if it’s just for ONE person!
is it worth the wait? ive been waiting the day i was born. im not asking for a spouse or anything, i just want a friend i can count on. just one is fine. ive told myself ive finally found that friend but each time, i disappoint myself. idk if its worth the wait. i mean im generally a person who disapproves in suicide but mayb u shouldnt devote ur life in finding a true love. find another reason to live. it worked for me…for awhile
I am pretty much like you. I feel unwanted and unloved all the time.
All I can say is I understand, and am going through something similar. You are not alone in your pain.