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#Could there possibly be a purely physical, organic reason for this mental instability you are experiencing & are suffering from, possibly with your limbic system? hormonal imbalances serotonin problems etc, it is surprising how just one hormonal / chemical imbalance could cause one to perceive reality in an entirely different way.
I do not know you, or know what you have been through throughout your life, so i can not say or make any judgements. but if it helps, for physical purposes at least,than may i recommend
Binaural Beats?
Consistent Meditation:
Anapanasati (Mindfulness of Breathing Meditation)
Or have you ever heard of that super antioxidant supplement
L-Carnosine ?? Which clinical trials have proven to help Autistism Depression, and Bipolar Disorder.
Clinical Trial L-Carnosine For Bipolar I DisorderÂ
Or the use of #Botanicals? The combination of Herbs such as Coriander Seeds, Anise seeds, Mint,Fennel seeds, Cinnamon, in Green Tea,
This tea/ tincture is one of the most powerful natural Antidepressants / Anti-Anxiety solutions.Â
these are very beneficial things one could incorporate, to try to attain & maintain physical & mental stabilisation.Â
Played for the listener it has the effect of balancing both left and right hemispheres of the brain,
Scan Of The Brain Before & After Synchronisation
In addition to lowering the brain frequency to relax the listener (or to raise it to help focusing), there are other controversial, alleged uses for binaural beats. For example, that by using specific frequencies an individual can stimulate certain glands to produce desired hormones. Beta-endorphin has been modulated in studies using alpha-theta brain wave training, and dopamine with binaural beats
An uncontrolled pilot study of Delta binaural beat technology over 60 days has shown positive effect on self-reported psychological measures, especially anxiety. There was significant decrease in trait anxiety, an increase in quality of life, and a decrease in insulin-like growth factor-1 and dopamine and has been successfully shown to decrease mild anxiety. A randomised, controlled study concluded that binaural beat audio could lessen hospital acute pre-operative anxiety.
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I am not foolishly stating  that these things will solve all your problems, But try & introduce some of these into your life, maybe it could at least help you & your mind focus more clearly to view or possibly help solve more serious problems with a more calmer resolute mind, with a balanced perception. or make life a little more bearable for you.
Try and Stay well .
Also i know one does not think about or probably even cares while in such  states of hopelessness & despair,but be careful that you do not sever any tendons, as these have to be surgically attached again, otherwise one could lose mobility in the hands and fingers.
I dont know if you have access to self harm clinic’s in your area, but they are closing allot of them down in the UK. which forces people to go to A and E, which gets them cruely interagated and antagonised.  
Anyway,
Good evening to you and everyone here
2 comments
Bodhisattva – thank you so much for this, this actually really helps me out by giving me a bunch of new stuff to try, i especially am looking forward to reading about the Anapanasati.
It is my pleasure that if i can be of assistance,
you must realise however, that all the advice you receive from friends, loved ones, & so forth doesn’t mean shit if you do not engage in effort rely upon patience, true paths & your inner wisdom.
Whatever path you choose I hope you find peace.
greetings