exit bag assistance?/musings

Bleh. I feel so emo about posting on here but I’m bored. Sooo… exit bag has been my preferred method but man, I’ve been going about it all wrong! And I had no idea of the failure rate so that sucks. Maybe I’ll get the guts to jump off a building or train or something but I don’t think I’m quite there. I’d love some useful exit bag tips but I’m sure those of you that have succeeded aren’t going to be posting on here. Well, real quickly vent fest to make this a truly emo experience- fuck it, I don’t have much pride left… my fiance is asleep on the floor having failed to cheer me up from my depression. Sober too, so I guess that doesn’t say much about me. Last time he passed out in abandonment was when he beat me up just over 2 months ago. Again. My worst fear was being beaten to death & I haven’t been able to bounce back this time. Just when I thought I was starting to feel better, something triggered me & it got worse. Funny how a frightening near death beating and strangulation. experience can ultimately make you suicidal. Not that I never felt it or even had practice runs in the past, But I was so young then. Just barely breaking 20. Now I’m over half a decade older & I feel I know myself enough to know that I will never feel okay again. There are just some things that… break you… for whatever reason… I don’t have money or motivation for help. Most psychs suck anyway. I was a psych major myself (big surprise right?) and I’ve found helping myself was the only way I could overcome things. But alas I have reached my limit. So, I have the greatest hope for some helpful comments on preferably the exit bag or some other equally peaceful method, because I do enjoy the pumpkins (another surprise?). Much love. xo Stina xo