first of all i want to apologize for any grammar mistakes because English is the third language I have learned.
I feel that i can’t take it anymore. I constantly fall depressed because of things that going on in the family. But those things are not what i want to talk about. I want to talk about my feelings. Lately I have started to feel that all this pressure is just too much for me I’m falling apart and I feel there is no one who could listen and understand what I feel. They will never do this without judging me and telling me that I’m wrong. I already know how they will react and what will they say. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS CRAP ANYMORE! I don’t want anyone to take my pain away…I’m not asking anyone to help me, I just want someone to talk to without being afraid, without being scared. I’m sure that if anyone will ever know what im thinking and feeling they will shut me in an rehab center or make me drink pills and all those anti depressive drugs.
After all I have been trough one of the things that troubles me much is that I’m really scared of man. I hate them. I had one boyfriend and boys who were in love with me but i felt bad . I didn’t want them and i was scared being touched..generally i really hate when people are touching me and when man do that it really makes me go mad.
Besides all of that I feel like there is no any place on earth which is for me. I feel like a stranger everywhere’ in school with friends.. I don’t feel like I belong I don’t fell like this is my place and I feel alone although I know that there are people I CAN talk to like my best friend but it feel as if she is to busy for that and. she probably doesn’t need to hear all that I feel. I feel really empty.. I feel too empty .. I don’t feel alive anymore. I’m not going out with friends. I know that no one will call me and ask me to go out and have some fun. I know that everyone got their own life and I just don’t . I want to feel alive. I want to be needed and feel wanted. my family it’s just me . my parents and my big sister and her little girl. I don’t have any more relatives , they all died when I was a little girl and sometimes I feel that there is a hole where my family should be.
I can’t tell anyone about my problems or the things I feel. and I don’t want to go on living because I feel like a slave of the democracy and the “laws” which pretend to protects us when actually we have no powers or the ability to stand for our rights. I feel they are killing us controlling us with all what they make, the T.V the school. the world they created for us is build in the purpose of making us slaves to them so we will work them forever. they make use of us.
I DON’T WANT TO CONTINUE THIS WAY. I want that to change, I want people to change. I had enough of feeling like a freak because I’m not like most of the people. that will never happen right? so I want to end this life. I feel like I can’t and don’t want to go on. the thing I really want is to go home . to safety to peace, i know this home doesn’t exists here so i want go. end this. find another place to be in. I rather be dead then live for the sake of the people who are using us. I rather be dead than continue living as if I’m not.
I hope for all the people who feel like me. If there are any who feel like this, that the world would be better soon and that all that misery and agony that hunts us will go away. I hope that soon people will stop feeling empty and neglected just because they are not like the rest. just because they think differently and looks differently.
And I’m really sorry for the long post but I felt the need to write it because I feel it may be the last thing that I will ever write. If that feeling won’t go away. If I won’t find any reason to live or fell any need to I really think I’m going to end all of this.
8 comments
Your not crazy,Your not a freak
Man are evil, pieces of shit, Trust me ive been one for 19 years
They only think of one thing anything that makes that happen they will do.
but they are nothing to be scared of. Just knee them in the balls and they will drop like a tonne of bricks then kick them in the head a few times then run away. They wont fuck with you again
But man are weak. women are strong. 10 months of pain. 18 years of heart ache. You dont need anyone, but yourself. Do what ever makes you happy.
Who cares what people think.who cares if your alone.
Do something learn something
Do it for you
You are awesome
One day youll find the perfect man and youll let him touch you and he will break your heart
About your last paragraphs about hating the sick ‘System’,
trust me on this: you are not alone. Far from it.
As first proof, try reading many of the latest posts here (at the right side of this page), and you will see what I mean..
We just need to keep doing & fighting what we know to be true, and keep connecting with more like-minded people.
Then the seeds of Change will grow larger & larger.
Also google stuff like: Zeitgeist movement, Ascension, Lightworkers, shift of Human’s Consciousness, Global spiritual awakening, 2012.
Internet is the greatest invention, use it. Search it. And join people from all around the planet.
The movements are starting.
Things start to crumble and change, u know and can sense the crumble of our sick, corrupt system, and many people start (or will soon or later) to realize that this needs to Change.
Join the changes, in fact, BE part of it !
It’s worth every breath of ur life, if u know and can FEEL that it’s ur Purpose!
“Be the change you want to see in the world” – Mahatma Gandhi
What you said actually made me feel a little better. Thank you, although I still feel that life is not worth all of this. I don’t see the reason why I’m still here ..or why everyone is still alive while all they do is being used, and they don’t even care, they don’t know …they all live in a pink bubble of their own world .. thinking the world is a great place, and if all is good for them than the rest can die.
everyone here lives in there own world. they dont care what is going around and sometimes not even what in there family.. u r not acting crazy dis happens wid lot many ppl n sumtyms me too even i feel d same but dis world is nt tht simple to live n never was… if u want to bring changes den do it.. try harder n make ur lyf happy urself.. do wtevr in wt u feel happy thts d best thing to do.. n if its about men dey ll remain d same.. so u need to be strong n change ur own world… i might sound confusing bt thts wt u shud do i think..
Alice, your original post has made me feel a little better.
As you can tell by the username I chose, I just feel empty inside. I love how you summed up how you feel… “I feel like a stranger everywhere.” People either can’t stand me, or they don’t even notice me. Nobody likes me. Hell, if I was somebody else, I would like the me I am, right now. That makes me really sad.
You seem worth knowing. You can vent all you like to me, cuz it makes feel like I’m not the only one who has these thoughts. I fucking hate the world, and the world hates me.
I can relate to what you say so much ! sometimes I really fell like I don’t exist in this world because nobody sees and nobody cares. There are times when I think I want to be someone else just because that way I will be able to do things that I can do right now. Because I won’t be me anymore and I will be able to do things in an other way without hearing people that criticize me because I have “changed”.
But on the other hand I don’t want to change myself. I want to be me. I just want people to accept me as I am.
And that feeling. that I’m alone and things will never change depress me much .
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But NO price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” – Nietszhe