just need to vent.

Im new to this but my friend told me about this so I need to get this off my chest. I don’t want to kill myself but latly Ive been constantly crying. I feel empty and unwanted by most. My family is falling apart, my step dad and I don’t get along and I have recently started smoking. My best friend is in love ith my ex’s best friend and their dating. there not in love yet but you can tell its gunna happen. She is so bright with happniness and I want to be here for her but it just reminds me so much of myself last year. I met my first true love over the summer of 09. Every moment with him was amazing. Our first kiss was in the rain, he carried me across the street so i wouldnt get my jeans wet, he kisses me on the forhead. EVERYTHING HE DID WAS PERFECT. I remember when i was sick he skipped school to come over and take care of me, we watched a walk to remember and when the song came on he asked me to slow dance. He would call me every night and every morning and would stay on the phonetill one of us had no choice but to get off. He as my best friend, we were eachothers first but his ex is back , they dated 2 years and me and him only a year and 3 months, he talked to her like that and lied to me for 2 months and now hes back with her but hes telling me he wants me in the end, shes from another state and they ner met, he said hes over her already but she needs clouser? so its like a fake relationship but idk he lied to me once i dont want it to happen again. he says it wont and tht he loves me more then anything. So il see where that goes. Idk i just feel unwanted, insecure and very very emotional. Nothing in my life is going right.