You drift out of silent slumber and for a split second think everything is alright, but just as soon as a smile creeps to your lips, its gone again and the reality hits you, its not alright. You donâ€™t know why but youâ€™ve been slipping lower and lower until suddenly the enormity hits you and you have no motivation for anything. You eventually get up and leave the security of the smothering bed, but only because youâ€™re made to.
You try to eat but have no interest in front of you, youâ€™re beyond caring about hunger. Someone begins to notice and enquires as to whets wrong but you cant tell them because you donâ€™t know yourself. You stare blankly, without seeing, feeling, caring. They ask for an explanation but you cant give one, there isnâ€™t one.
In your room you allow the sounds of music to wash over you in a vain attempt to try to occupy your mind though it seems to leave your body as though it were no part of you.
You feel hollow.
Youâ€™re peace is disturbed by a sudden interaction from your mother, sheâ€™s been calling you for 5 minutes. You watch her enter, invading the space you so treasure, asking questions you cant answer. Youâ€™ve lost the power of communication and all will to perform it.
Thought filled hours pass by, unproductive, you just want to crawl into a deep unoccupied hole and stay there until you feel fit to face the world/ But that doesnâ€™t happen. You donâ€™t eat, you cant sleep and each day you wake up and realise that this repetitive, monotonous, existence isnâ€™t getting any better and life isnâ€™t any easier than yesterday. People constantly hassle you but you just want to be normal.
Once again youâ€™re asked if youâ€™re ok and once again you say you are although youâ€™re not and donâ€™t feel you ever will be. Once again youâ€™re asked whatâ€™s wrong and once again you reply â€˜nothingâ€™ because once again, you donâ€™t know yourself.
Emotions pass before your eyes as though they belong to someone else, youâ€™re too numb to feel anything as real as that anymore,.