Lost and Confused.

Well first of all I point out a funny unnoticed remark of Omar: (in all sympathy)

When the girl wrote “what if I fail again, she was referring to trying to do what she did to herself years ago” and Omar, just did not link it to that and replied “dont worry, we all make mistakes. Obviously he was not referring to failing to commit suicide of course.

So, I am very happy that you are alive, that you failed in your attempt to commit suicide and I will do whatever I can to prevent you from ever trying again.

So let me see what I extract from your writing:

I start with this “I want to be the one that makes changes, the one with a legacy working to better the lives of adults, children, animals and the environment the world over. ”

– This is saying you are full of beautiful feelings, full of energy to make a difference in the world, young and explosive as you are with very intense feelings for everything as you are discovering life now. In addition to that, you are a female, that makes it more intense yet, and more sensitive and more vulnerable, because women are more fragile in these specific aspects (while they are stronger than men in others).

Then, you are intelligent, and you see the world around and are horrified. This is true, I lose my mind when I see what I see but I react aggressively against my environment while females often fall into deep depressions.

However, there is an ideal position girl where you can fully realize your wishes of making a huge difference in this world while shunning the rubbish that there is around. Look around with some detail and you will see people in dire situations, particularly children, the 9 year old, no parents, living in an orphanage, drug addicts their relatives etc. Those are the extraordinary values where we can implement all our very best.

If you stay in your room, under the table or under the bed thinking about yourself with a mirror in front of you, you are punishing your own mind, and the mind punishes you at the same time with ill thoughts. It truly works this way, it is uncanny but the mind is like a second entity that one must care about.

What I am seeing in you in a reactive depression towards exogenous factors, that means, you are perfectly fine and that is why you react like that when you see what you are seeing. My nephew went to Bosnia during the war, to provide help in a humanitarian mission. She returned with a terrible depression and became anorexic for months. Finally recovered but the explanation is straightforward, as clear as yours.

What about following and advice that I give you ? I mean really doing it. Intelligent people always follow my advices because I have made all mistakes possible so I can always give the best for others not to make them too. This summer, when you finish school, you are going to Ecuador or some other country in South/Central America, you are going to be teaching English to kids, you are going to be cooking for them, tying up their shoe cords, and take them along home. You are going to be a volunteer in one of those organizations you have around. You have to get yourself out of your mirror and so much self centered in what you see the world is. No! dont tell me that you dont feel like doing it!, It doesnt matter whether you feel like doing it or not! you do it! Just oblige yourself.

And well, I did not mention this, but what about having someone fall in love with you ? that makes wonders. Dont choose a scumbag or a retard. The thing here is that you are over-mature, what can be see from your writings, so the guy has to be a special one, but dont target an old man, he will exploit your situation. Choose someone kind. And do this thing about Ecuador or Peru or wherever the countries down there.

Hugs

O