what am I but a freak? if everyone else is made of their own conscience, then what am I but a collective manifestation of expectations, reactions, memories, and the lives of those around me.Â
the constitution dictates the right of the pursuit of happiness, but what if there is no happiness to be found. only a dark dank realization of the predicament we have driven ourselves to as a species.
 one by one we will bite the dust until those left-generations ahead- will be naught but entities like myself. living off of each other, clinging to whatever there is, but falling. always, continuously falling; like a never ending set of paradoxical dice, constantly tipping each other over but never giving the satisfaction of an end. until one die, does it itself. our means of an end shall be ourselves and nothing more than a blip in the scheme of the universe. for when the last mind ceases to function, the universe will no longer exist to us as we once did to it.
I’ve been standing on the tops of buildings, hoping to catch a friend before she jumps again. but I don’t think I’ll ever see her here. I don’t think she was ever here. the roofs she leapt from are far smaller; mere steps in her ever twisting life that is now entangled with so many others. how could she?
she brought me down then took the express back to the top. walked away and flew off. east to a new home without pains like me.
4 comments
Please go to a counselor. They can help and want to help. Life is really worth living. It may not seem so right now, but it really is worth living.
Who is “she”? Why are you the freak? maybe everyone around you is a freak but you are normal? Can we ever be normal? what is ‘normal’ Is there a specefic lifestyle that must be perfect? is perfection normal? isn’t it being a freak to be perfect? I don’t know… Brother may peace be upon you.
@Will
I don’t think I’ll ever go to a councilor. The one At my school is a ***** who I doubt gives a shit about anything but her paycheck and making us feel horrible for being how we are. Right now she’s grilling my friend cuz she eats less than I do. They don’t want to help. At one point I though friends would help. I’ve changed myself so many times, wore so many masks, but it turns out I can’t trust them.
@Omar
I think first you should know I am a girl. And I am a freak because, unlike most people, I am most likely to end up nowhere. I am unoriginal. A nobody. An no. A normal existence is like man made black. It doesn’t exist. (man can’t make the color black. It’s always a blue or purple or something)
What you wrote; it’s beautiful.