It works, but only if you follow directions.
I didn’t have helium, the recommended gas on hand. Â So I opted for a more readily available gas; computer dusters, or “canned air”. Â It isn’t really air though, it’s a gas that’s heavier than air, the opposite of helium. Â I’ve read stories about it killing people, which is what I wanted, obviously. Â But really I just needed it to pass out, so I wouldn’t feel the suffocation of the exit bag.
So I put the bag over my head and tightened it with the canned air straw sticking through the bag and my neck. Â I exhaled all that was in my lungs and depressed the paddle with my finger. Â I breathed in as much as I could, held it for 10 seconds, and exhaled. Â I repeated that about eight times, until I really started feeling the effects; I had to drop the can because I was getting very dizzy. Â The feeling slowly worked its way down my body, and it was like a tingling. Â It felt pretty good at first (I’ve never gotten high before, but I can imagine that was what it feels like). Â And then I was suddenly blind, but I felt like my eyes were moving rapidly, uncontrollably. Â I didn’t really mind it, I could tell, at least then, that my body wasn’t physically moving. Â The tingling had intensified by then, but it still wasn’t bad. Â My ears began to ring, but it was like a soft humming. Â Again, the tingling had gotten even more powerful.
Suddenly, I was aware of everything. Â Everything made a noise, even inanimate objects. Â Even though I couldn’t see, I could hear where I was. Â I could also feel my own heart beating like it was a mechanical pump strapped to the outside of my chest. Â It was clear as day, and it felt like it was going 1000 BMP. Â I put my hand on my chest, half consciously, to see if my heart had risen in speed, knowing/thinking that it shouldn’t have. Â It hadn’t actually sped up; in fact, it was beating less than 1/10th it’s original speed.
And then the tingling became painful. Â I didn’t feel like I could move, though I could make small movements. Â I felt my arms involuntarily twitching, probably a result of the painful tingling feeling. Â I thought that that was the point I would pass out. Â The pain wasn’t that bad, but it was definitely a reaction to having no oxygen intake.
I sat there, counting the seconds, waiting for me to stop counting, waiting to pass out. Â But I didn’t, and I became scared. Â I panicked, but in my own calm way. Â I took the bag off of my head and sat upright for a minute, though I still couldn’t see anything. Â Then I lied down, and came back, though it took at least half an hour. Â After that, I cried for the person I loved most, waiting for the sun to rise.
The day after (today), I refused to go to classes that I didn’t have without that person. Â I followed her throughout her schedule. Â I just couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.
I’m still alive, and now I feel I have a reason to be. Â I love you, km.