is there any point?

i really don’t know where to start

i’ve self harmed for a year and a half, it’s only getting worse, i have very low self esteem, my family is a complete mess, including abuse, attempted suicide and murder, affairs. that’s the least of my worries, i hate myself with a passion, what’s so wrong with me that makes everyone in my life want to leave me? i saw a psychiatrist for roughly a year, which really didn’t help me, neither did anti-depressants, i think about suicide everyday, how much easier it would be to feel nothing, i don’t think i could do it though, i’d feel too bad leaving the few people which do care about me. i feel so alone, unwanted, and unloved. nobody knows who i am, and i can’t explain how i feel very well. i just wish i was happy, every single night i cry myself to sleep, i feel as if i have no purpose what so ever. people say i’m beautiful, and how they want to be me, but looks are nothing when you feel so low, all i wish for is to be happy. it almost makes me feel sick watching people joking together, just because i want that so much. everything is just so fucked up, i don’t know what to do any more, i can’t let more people into my life in fear they will leave me. please can someone help me, i cannot take this any more! :'(