I like to smile. I don’t know why, but it’s easier that way. I smile when she hits me. I smile when they mock me. I wipe my eyes and I smile. I smile when they scream and rant that I am not good enough. I should be perfect. So I smile. They want to believe it, so I let them.
Damn those voices. They like to mess with my mind. They enjoy my abuse. I can only smile. ******. ******. *****. I’m Aimee’s *****. ****** ***** ******. Dyke. They scream it at me. They know what I am. And so does she.
I hate this worthlessness. I need to be more productive. I need to make a future. Not for me, that’s a stupid thing to believe. There is no future when you’re already dead. No, I’m going to help my sister. She needs to have a road for her. She’ll do what she wants, but I’ll just help her for now.
And I’ll smile. I’ll smile for her.
I feel like Sai with this stupid smile. IM A FAKE!!! Wait, no one can see that. No one can hear that. Everyone just sees a stupid slut that needs to shut up. Maybe I should just stop caring and let go. It would be less painful. Let go.
I want to. I really do.