Suffering

The idea of suffering is used as a sense of being constantly in pain. Or something like that, I don’t feel like checking wikipedia for that. Anyways, I think I enjoy suffering. I am a pessimist also, I pity myself and feel like shit all the time. I always ***** about how I will never have my first girlfriend, even though I tell myself I’m too scared. I enjoy putting myself down. Also, whenever I go on this site. The fact that it’s got to do with suicide, makes me depressed just going on here, yet while I’m in high school classes. I go on my shitty cell phone and look at my favorite bookmark of suicideproject.org. I read the posts and get depressed, but yet I can’t/won’t stop going to this.

So, I’ve given up trying to find what problems I have with my head. I can list them to you , if you want, but I will do that so you will pity me and I love interacting and seeing what scares people. Anyways, I fear I may do something stupid pretty soon. I’m a 16 year old w/ problems and I’m too ignorant to solve aything. I think I’m i love with m cousin, and my dad and uncle are afraid I will rape her, not knowing my affection towards her. My dad only listens to other adults or someone with a degree of some sort. My uncle is an idiot, he drinks and used to do drugs, so an alcoholic going through withdrawal and he also attempted to rape my cousin, and he thinks i will rape my cousin, too. So I can’t have her in my room or in her room even with her brother in the same room. (Great job Rogue you just told them a large chunk of your stupid life, would you like to talk about your parents’ divorce, stepbitch, and all the shit wrong with you, too???) Those are my thought bubbles… Or my conscience, or something like that (moron)…

So, yeah even though my lifes so perfect (ha you’ve got a sense of humour), I have given up to the point that I wish to commit suicide.i dont care about hell and crap bout suicide is a sin or something idgaf (hi im an atheist),  but like everything else i will fail at that too. I wish there was an app for itouch/iphone so i could go on there instead of my moms computer, because my stepmom/*****/dad stole my laptop, even though its a piece of shit. even that isnt mine. Thanks for reading my stupid fucking post. (someone please shoot this idiot, let me freeeeee!!!   or something. i think he has bipolar, schizophrenia, major/severe depression, and other shit like voices in my head and ADD) Whatts social anxiety disorder?