My father has been sent back into the hospital about a week ago.. he could catch his breath at all. The day after he went into the hospital, his Dr called my mom and told us that we should go to the hospital and see him.. he said he wasnt doing to good. So we went. At first i didnt want to go. I didnt wanna see him like that. But i thought that this could be the last time i see my daddy.
So i went. And me and my mom stayed at the hospital for abotu 4 hours. It was tiering and depressing.. Each day my dad grows weeker.. The Dr’s dont think he will last much longer…. And we dont either.. Just by the look in his eyes. I broke down crying the other day thinking “why couldnt god take me!? why my daddy!? why?!” But no matter what i asked myself the same answer always came back. ” i don’t know…” So i cried for about 2hours the other day.
My dad’s time is running out… My father will die this year. There is no doubt about that… He will leave me forever.. He will leave my mom and me… And there isn’t anything i can do to help him… At night i beg for death.. I beg to just go to sleep and never wake up.. But every night i shut my eyes. And every morning i open them. I only have one thing to look foward to every day. and thats seeing my friend Nick. Thats the only thing that puts a smile on my face these days. Nick makes me smile and i want very badly to see him outside of school. but he never wants to hang out. so i only see him afiew times and thats it. The one person who makes me happy im alive and i cant even hang out with him..
My daddy’s dieing. My so called “best Friend” left me. My Boyfirned is now scuicidle so i need to worry about him too. And my friend Nick is too bussy to hang out with me. And my mom.. All she does is cry.. My life is a living hell. Why am i suffering so much pain.?.. What did i do wrong?..
God Hates me…. And he’s forgotten all about me…
R.I.P Daddy, 1955 – 2011
4 comments
I LOVE U.
AND IM SORRY UR FEELING THIS TREMENDOUS PAIN.
I LOST MY NIECE TO SUICIDE-SUDDENLY..SHE WAS JUST 18..I WISH I HAD THE CHANCE TO TALK TO HER LIKE I AM WITH U RITE NOW.
THANK U FOR HELPING ME ..BY ALLOWING ME TO BE HERE FOR U.
PLZ HOLD ON…WHAT UR FEELING IS VERY OVERWHELMING…AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE WEIGHT IT FEELS LIKE ON U.
AND IT SEEMS DARK-AND DOESN’T APPEAR THAT THERE WILL BE IMPROVEMENT EVER.
BUT THERE WILL….I PROMISE U THAT..
CAN I BE HERE FOR U A WHILE LONGER?
I’M WILLING TO LISTEN….IF UR WILLING TO SHARE?
(((HUGS)))
I feel for your situation right now and God does not hate you ,I am praying for your father ,but you should know that your words and belief have alot of power and can limit how God can move in this situation. So please DO NOT speak death or even say your Dad is dying because life and death is in the power of the tongue. I will keep on praying that your Father will live and not leave you or your mother behind.
Sorry to hear that your goin through all that im heaps attatched to my parents and deffinantly wouldn’t be able to handle that is there any chance he could pull through or anything else they can do for him whats wrong with him 🙁
God does not hate you sister…. I can’t prove that though…. More importantly… you should not end your life… Would your father want you to die? You know eventually your father would die while you are still alive whether now or later… For your father… I’m sure he wants you to live on happily… If not for God then your father.. Live happily… Make him smile knowing you are alright…. Take care of your mother.. Assist her.. I’m sure your father will appreciate that too! You know your father better then me…. You know whether he would want you to live on or not… Do what you believe is right as you love your father and if he wants you to live on happily then live on happily….. Don’t forget about your father.. Pray for his welfare.. Pray that he is at a good place right now with no regrets…. I’m sure your father would pre-fare you to live then him… Live on for your father… God does not hate you… He is always with everyone… If you believe he is too busy to attend to you as he “forgot about you” Then in that case he may be busy attending your father…. Bless you sister… Live on… Show your father you are still able to manage life.. Make him proud at least knowing that you can still achieve.. Of-course don’t seem happy about his death… Mourn for him… But show him that even with mourning you still are able to continue to live on! May peace be upon you sister.