I tried to wait until the end of the next four weeks, but I cannot wait any longer. On Friday I will go. Tomorrow I will change the type of title on our house, so my boys instead of my bastard husband will inherit it. I have already made a new will, and tomorrow I will also make my boys the beneficiaries of my life insurance. Already made sure it covers suicide. Then order a bottle of helium…
It’s a very lonely place once you have made the decision. Two concerned friends called today, I didn’t completely lie, they know I am not doing well. But I can’t tell them I’ve made up my mind, or they will intervene. Same with my psychologist today, and my psychiatrist on Wednesday. That will be my last opportunity to pull the emergency brake, but I don’t really want to anymore. No hope of happiness left for me. I feel so sorry for my two sons, it will devastate them, I know, no need to tell me that. But I have not got an ounce of strength left to keep living. I’ve tried so hard, that’s it.
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Don’t do it, life sucks everything feels and seems empty and everyone can be so fake. Killing yourself won’t bring you any closer to happiness or relief. And in your last moments of life you’ll just be hurting yourself what kind of way is that to die? Dying sad, hopeless and so on people like us that have no hope that feel like crap almost every day we have to really fight to be happy. We need to help ourselves change the way we think and it won’t happen anytime soon. But personally I’d rather die fighting to be happy then not trying to ever be happy. I’ve attempted suicide countless times i had a cousin recently die he hung himself. Because i know what it’s like to be hopeless, empty, sad and just down right helpless and tired. And its so much easier to just given in and quit.
but dont given in keep fighting your kids should be your will power. I dont know what your going through exactly but im sure its tough. And i know that if you made it this far your strong enough to keep fighting because you deserve happiness. i can’t stop you its your life but i can offer my words and hope that maybe they can reach you and make you see that it doesnt have to be this way.
I have been fighting. I’ve just been in a mental hospital over 8 weeks, then my husband ended our marriage while I was still in there. Now he is playing very dirty, making the divorce a real battle, he has all the trump cards in his hands, money, income, I’ve got neither. He refuses to move out of the house, so I have to lodge with friends when he is no away for work, can’t even live with my own sons.
I have been fighting all my life, everytime I think I achieve some happiness it crumbles. Everytime!!!! I’ve had enough. I am soooo tired.
I can’t even imagine what that is like. What i can say is that karama is going to get your soon to be ex eventually. I don’t have a clue how old you are or if your in a position to try and work but if you can do it for yourself. As far as a divorce unless you signed a prenuptial agreement your entitled half of or more then half of what your husband has. Even though it seems so tiring and hopless and gloomy i believe that you’ll get through it and it will make you stronger. I know how tiring it is when it seems like all you ever do is fight to be happy and you get to a point where you just dont care to fight for it anymore. Because each time you even get close to happy something has to go all wrong. I’m going through so many obstacles and sometimes looking back it amazes me that i’ve come this far. If anything im proud of myself for not giving everyone else the satisfaction of seeing me self distruct. Maybe we could talk through email if youd like until friday maybe i can help you in some type of way.
Thank you for caring: geli-p@bigpond.net.au
I am 46.
I perfectly understand your decision and i can relate, i wish you all the best of luck and a safe journey home!
You have hope. you would not write this without hope, and you have friends that would go through everything you’re going through just to see you find relief for a moment. you have friends that you may never meet who would be destroyed to never see a post from you after Friday. I need you to live through this. I know it’s impossible. I’ve been in an impossible life for 2 months, and I became suicidal 5 months ago. we all have something in common that no one else has. we have seen the darkness of this world and we’ve all lived through it, and if we give up now we can never prevent this from happening to others. so please, for all that you Love. it will only make things worse, and to live if so much more exciting than to die.
Hi –
You don’t have the right tools (or weapons, if you prefer) to handle what’s going on. Your husband knows that, probably – I’m a guy, by the way.
All you know is what you have experienced, and you need a different experience. Ask, ask, ask for more help – or the “bastard” wins. As a guy, I know what scum we can be. I work with many social service agencies, and I know they can be cold or just worn out. You have to keep being a pain in the ass and fighting to keep their attention. You have access to the web – use it!
You’re no dummy, so use the smarts you have between now and Friday. You WILL make something happen if you make this push. CHANGE your methods, BUG people, TALK TO THE FRIENDS you said you have, maybe RAISE A LITTLE HELL – if not for you, for your kids. Why not? You have nothing to lose, right?
And watch “A Wonderful Life” one more time. Actually, you don’t know what you have to lose, like most of us.
This may be lousy advice, but if you’ve lost all reason to live, perhaps you can make revenge your reason. Revenge may be the wrong word–what I mean to say is protecting your children from your jerk husband. If you’ve been in a mental hospital and you suddenly change your will, and then within days you kill yourself, it wouldn’t take much effort on your husband’s part to negate your will. He’ll claim that you weren’t of sound mind, and unfortunately the courts will believe him.
So live. Live so that you can beat him. You have nothing to lose, so pull out all the stops and figure out how to best him & protect your childrens’ future. Then, after youre victorious & everything is secure, you can ask yourself if you still want to end it all.
It makes perfect sense that after a separation I change my will from him to my children – after all he’s done the same even before me. I assume it will stand in court. Otherwise I like your suggestion if I only had the strength. Hate and revenge are not my thing, I won’t even tell him it’s his fault. He’ll probably work that out for himself.
Thanks for all your responses, yes part of me wants to be talked out of it, the part who loves my children more than anything. Yes I have good friends, truly good friends, and I know they’d do anything for me, but they cabnot stop the pain. Now I am drunk, and I have ti go to bed, it’s Monday night already here in Australia. Drunk is the only way I can settle myself for sleep because I am hurting so much for my children. But despite that, I don’t know how to fight on. I’ve been hurt and betrayed too many times.
Hi –
Ahah! Booze is usually in there somewhere. I’m in AA, and PLEASE give it a try. I know there are meetings somewhere near you, we are EVERYWHERE. You will find folks who have been through what you are going through, and can give you real world advice. Shop around to different meetings until you find one you like. Don’t be put off by the friendliness, we are sincere, for real. Please, please give it a try.
I found a whole world I never knew existed, where I was loved and helped by people who really cared.
@Pitt , sorry no you got it wrong, problems first, booze second. I may drink sometimes, but thats a symptom, not the cause. I went 8 weeks in hOspital without no problems.
Please don’t do this. You can turn your life around. You can make life worthwhile.
Will is right.my life is turning around.I’m sure yours can too:)