Now, I’ve heard by many that if you write a diary, you get your thoughts sorted out on paper, and you can look at it afterwards, and it’s supposed to be good therapy.
So this will be my diary.
Today I felt really happy. My favourite football-team won against a rival that they haven’t beaten for a long time.
I smiled, I laughed.
Now I’m unhappy, and keep finding excuses not to cut myself, although I haven’t cut in almost 2 years now. I wanna cry, cuz I think maybe that will release some of the stress I’m getting because of this.
But I’m broken. I can’t cry. I’ve been listening to Damien Rice – 9 crimes for 2 hours straight now, not a single tear. Why can’t I just cry, please? I know it will make me feel so much better..
There is a sting in my chest, and it comes everytime I start thinking “what if I just kill myself”.
I wanna do it, but I can’t. I can’t dare to think about the way my mother will take it. It will break that already fragile, fantastic woman. I love her too much to do it. So instead I live for others. For my mother, for my niese, my sisters, my boyfriend, my friends.. Even for my cat, because I know my cat loves me alot..
I hate attention. I tattoed over my scars so no one would notice.
I don’t wanna talk to anyone, friends or family.
I can’t afford a therapist, I can’t even afford the rent on my appartment right now.. My fridge is empty, I have no money.. I have no job, no education…
I wish my mother would be okay if I disappeared..
.. I wish I never was born.
3 comments
I wish i was never born either 🙁 Oh and i love that song its heaps pretty
Lixie,
I hope your fav team isnt Liverpool! Because I have been a die hard Man Utd fan since i was like 3 years old! 17 years of dedication haha!
Listen I know nothing I say is going to make you feel better, and no I can’t help with your rent and put food in your fridge, but I can offer you support and advice and friendship with total trust and confidence.
If you ever need to talk to someone you can come to me, and in the case that you were referring to liverpool and you are a fan, refer to there motto…
“You will never walk alone”
Need I say more.
Kia Kaha.
Haha aussielad, YES my team is OF COURSE Liverpool! <3
And thank you, I sometimes go blind on myself, and can't see the bright sides of life.
I'll never walk alone, that's true 🙂 Maybe tonight before I go to sleep, I'll listen to the song and try to get some out of it 🙂
It's a pretty song.
And sorry for winnig over you yesterday. It would never ever come to my imagination that we would win over you. I guess we were very lucky by getting the first goals and that brought the man utd players down, heh 🙂